Renewal or Downfall of Relationships - Research on "Homoaffection"

by Anna Maria Costa Ribeiro

On my Facebook page Urantiam I conducted a survey with 210 people, all in same sex relationships. I affectionately call them gays and “gayvotas1”. In my book Synastry I published a survey on 400 homosexuals, as same sex relationships used to be called back then. The purpose was to identify if their natal charts revealed an emphasis of any sort. This survey was also published in France and the United States. The survey was quite different this time around. We all know that the Sun refers to men and the husband, while the Moon refers to women and the wife. With that in mind the modern life question is: what about same sex relationships? Besides, Venus would be the female whom men are attracted to and Mars the male to whom women are attracted. Then what?

With all sexual freedom nowadays, since love has no rules or boundaries, an outraged client asked me the other day:

- I want to know if my son is gay! That can’t be possible!

I replied:

- Why don’t you ask him?

An astrological appointment is not gossip.

Oh dear!

The aspects of Sun, Moon, Venus, and Mars were explored.

But, what about the planet without an aspect?

He is, naturally, a loner.

An aspect is a relationship between two planets, and, in this case, it doesn’t interact. It doesn’t notice who’s around. It focuses on its own way of being. Within oneself, a person will have his/her own point of view about something and end of story. This person/planet will only perceive the other in transit, but will continue to act and have things his/her own way. Of course, that doesn’t hinder relationships, however sharing will be a challenge: very subjective and controlling in what is being shared.

A relationship without sharing creates a void, a black hole.

However, there might be a way out. By the dispositor, in other words, by the planet that rules the sign of the planet without an aspect. This one calls the shots. It is the one that will indirectly support (or pull the rug) from the isolated planet. The unaspected planet or dispositor will show the planet’s hidden intentions.

Ex.: Venus in Aries without an aspect. Mars is the dispositor. It reveals the intentions behind the scenes. A relationship that requires autonomy/independence. How this will play out will depend on the aspects of Mars.

The invisible is usually more important than what is visible and perceivable to the eye.

A domiciled unaspected planet is what would be complicated. Ex.: Venus in Taurus. Having a planet in Libra might be a way out. In a synastry, if someone’s unaspected planet receives the conjunction of someone else’s planet, the unaspected planet will be poked. For good or for bad. This will depend on how both live their natal charts.

Well, now back to the survey.

We know Sun and Mars are male figures and refer to the male gender. They also denote masculinity, assertiveness, affirmation and personal achievement, regardless of an individual’s gender. The so called “Animus”.

We also know that Moon and Venus are female figures and refer to the female gender. Complementarity, pleasure and sociability, dealing with the other, affection, also regardless of gender. Again, the so called “Anima”.

So, I went ahead and researched. Because in my humble opinion, both men and women have these attributes and roles.

Besides researching, I also always test empirically what I research. These four planets must necessarily be involved in relationships, be it heterosexual, same sex, polyamorous, etc. Any person aiming at being affectionately (or not) involved would seek and be interested by someone that fulfills these four.

And that was, obviously, what the survey concluded. Since:

• Sun – will power and identity, inner glow, life motivation.
• Moon – the power of feelings, emotional needs, this life’s eternal desires.
• Mars – the power of self-affirmation, to seek that which interests you and propels you forward, life engine.
• Venus – power of attraction, to have pleasure for something, tastes, feeling accepted

Well, who doesn’t want all this in a relationship? Even plants, animals and ETs need that. Why wouldn’t you?

Human or not, gay/”gayvota” or not, neutral, bi, tri, etc., until further notice, we all need:

• someone who reinforces your identity and accepts your way of being – Sun
• someone who shelters, supports or understands your needs - Moon
• someone who reassures your decisions, because if no decisions are made nothing happens - Mars
• someone who validates and cherishes you, smiles at you, pleases you - Venus  

Here are the survey’s questions, get a note pad and answer along, regardless of your sexual orientation, taste, sexual involvement.

1. What are the signs and houses of your: Sun, Moon, Venus, Mars?

2. What do you value and need in a long-term relationship?

These 2 questions and their answers clearly revealed the expected: Humanity seeks to complement its own natal chart.

You are attracted to who is similar to you.

The charts of a couple share, at LEAST, 50% similarities (this has been corroborated by other studies. Additionally, the natal charts of parents and children repeat these similarities).

3. What do you do to seduce and charm who interests you?

Everyone referred to Venus and Mars, according to their positions.

4. What bothers you in a relationship that prevents you from taking it a step further?

Everyone feels bothered or harmed when those 4 planets are not accepted by their partner.

5. If you had to pick, what would be more important in a relationship:
a) to be heard and acknowledged by your ideas
b) to have your feelings understood

Rumor has it that men prefer to be recognized by their ideas whereas women need to feel understood. This has nothing to do with being homosexual, but I guess this would be a good opportunity to comment on it. Besides, it’s a good tip.

70% of the men replied: My ideas
70% of the women replied: My feelings
The rest replied: Both my ideas and my feelings

6. What are your mom and dad’s main characteristics?

This question was raised to confirm the male and female planets’ positions that would be extended to relationships. Bingo. Everything fitted in.

7. Who was somehow stronger: your mom or your dad?

I was betting on this one. Check out the results:
90% answered: Mom
10% answered: Both or Dad

Of those who replied 10%, in some cases the mother had died early or was very ill. Although this doesn’t mean anything. Many of the dead or sick are very strong, as would say psychoanalysts and the kardecists.

In a private appointment a lot more is discussed, of course. As you know: Any appointment is a risk. If you don’t want any risks, don’t even bother to make an appointment nor give one.

Anyways.

Love does not depend on sexual orientation. Love depends on the involvement and fulfillment of your natal chart’s yearnings. No one lives alone. Alone you only survive. That’s why a lot of people put up with unbearable relationships. This applies not only to love relationships. Affection manifests in many ways. For instance, when you are part of a culture, a society, a group, etc., you are not alone, you’re included: therefore, you feel peaceful within.  Exclusion is harsh.

All the houses in your chart deal with some form of inclusion.

Which house in your chart gives you the sense of exclusion? 

How does this affect your relationships and your life?

If a person is alone he/she needs to find strength one way or another.

In many mythologies, guilt is like debt. People may feel guilty if they feel they owe something. Some loners feel this way.

But standing out and being different from your family, group, etc. is not for everyone, because that would mean separation. That’s why some people accept certain grievances. Or simply because exclusion would mean the worst kind of suffering.

In Nordic mythology, this is called: Battle of the Dragon.

Therefore, they sacrifice themselves. Pay a high price.

A lot of women write to me on my column “Ask, but Bear-With-Me”, desperately:

- I didn’t pursue my career. I just took care of my kids. I didn’t evolve. Today I have no money, I can’t stand my husband...

Perhaps they wouldn’t have paid such a high price if they had endured criticism for a while. But, each person will stick to their own kind.

Crucial decisions are rites of passage. Some people get hurt a lot during these rites. They weren’t cut out for it, so: hang on in there!

I’ve seen many people paranoid about this. For neglecting their true desires or identity. Maybe paranoids just wanted to be different from their group, clan, culture, but instead withdrew themselves. And the soul complains. Who pursues paranoids in this day and age? The same with OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder). It’s replacing something. It has its purpose. If that purpose is no longer useful, the OCD ends. That’s no easy task. No one will throw away a cane unless a better one is found.

Detachment is also not for everyone.

What matters is:

- To live well with yourself and with who and what you care about.

Save your relationship: if you still want one!

People are anxious to find their partner.

When they do, as times goes by they can no longer stand their partner.

Why?

a. Because he/she wasn’t your partner.
b. Because in truth, they didn’t want an intimate relationship
c. Because they carry their behavioral vices to their relationships

Why do you want a relationship?

• To have company?
• To get rid of your family?
• To have social status?
• To share living expenses?
• To have someone to talk to or to argue with?
• To show others?
• Etc.

In a relationship:

• What does your soul want?
•  What is your idea of a relationship?
• How were you educated for relationships? Were you educated to love, share, or to distrust, demand, insinuate, abuse, belittle yourself, etc.?

Lessons on love and relationships should be taught in schools. Since that won’t happen, I’m going to write a book about it based on experiences with the over 40,000 appointments I have given throughout the years. Wait for it.

A person that loves is not incompetent. If you like what you do, then you’re not incompetent. If you like someone, then you’re not incompetent with them.

Observe the cardinal houses:

ASC – your survival here on Earth.
Consequently, you should always expand and develop your ASC. If you like living, then you’ll be competent at it. No relationship should disrupt your ASC nor should you disrupt the ASC of the one you love. Or else both will be worthless, ignored by others.

DESC – Who do you want and need to attract so that you’re not alone. The other side of the seesaw. One does not swing alone. Your tennis partner, or mate.

MC – your life ambition, what you’re meant to build and show in this lifetime. Your lifetime goal in this 3rd dimension, the Olympus, present-day Asgard. No relationship should prevent you from that; otherwise you’ll be invisible to the world. Well, unless that is what you want.

IC – that which needs to be assured, etc., like a secure base. Your backbone support. The past behind you. Your shelter.

Therefore:

ASC/DESC – alone or accompanied?

IC/MC – present and future

You need to feel welcome and make your partner feel welcome. That’s the greatest enchantment and the key to successful relationships.

I don’t understand how certain people live under the same roof as if they were enemies. Well, I do: it’s their vibe.

Why do people wage wars, mistreat animals, destroy nature, litter the place where they live, etc.?

Because they didn’t feel welcome in some way or another.

In any relationship, you need clarity about:

• What do you want from life?
• What bothers you?
• What is the Greater Good for you?
• Do you have the audacity to strive for the Greater Good?

It won’t be easy. What is easy after all? The less important things are easy.

Also, look at Mercury. He’s the one that connects Sun/Moon, connecting thoughts. The meeting point between what is inside and outside of you. People with disconnected thoughts haven’t been able to unite Sun/Moon, reason/emotion, identity/need, mom/dad, oh geez, it goes on and on.

Enough for now, discover EXACTLY what you want from a relationship. Find out the purpose of the relationship. Without purpose, everything is lost. You’ll argue, stress out, complain, demand, and make a fuss about everything.

With purpose you focus, see the best and worst in your partner and yourself, and learn how to manage. You’ll know if your partner sees you. If you are seen by your partner, you are revived.  To be seen by the one you love is healing, besides being another great allurement: I see you.

That’s the ultimate problem:

- People don’t look at each other.

Maybe one day you may proclaim to a potential lover:

- If I stay with you, how will I be certain that it’ll work out?

And the answer:

- If you don’t, what kind of life do you think you’ll have?

Because living, my dear, is for heroes.

Notes:
1 Reference to the Portuguese word “gaivota”, meaning seagull. This word was chosen to rhyme and pair with the word gay, for men, thus gayvota (lesbian), for women. 
(Lecture given at the 2015 Astrology Symposium, October/2015)
Translated from Portuguese by Linda Liau (Brasil)

Image sources:
All images: CC0 Creative Commons license, via pixabay.com