Relationship Horoscopefor Rita Wilson, born on 26 October 1956
and Tom Hanks, born on 9 July 1956
|Text by Liz Greene, Copyright © Astrodienst AG 2016|
ETPE 6212.502-26, 27.10.16
|TABLE OF CONTENTS I. Introduction The Alchemy of Relationship II. What Brings You Together A First Look * All the World's a Stage Heart and Body * The Thrill of the Chase * A Mutual Admiration Society * A Conflict of Taste Mind and Spirit * An Ongoing Birthday Party * Postcards From the Edge * A Turbo-Charged Engine * Riding the Roller Coaster Conflict and Challenge * Emotional Roadblocks * Fortified Castles * Vulnerable Feelings III. The Essence of Your Relationship Your Relationship as an Independent Entity * A Relationship with Vision * The Mind Has No Limits * There is No Such Thing As a Free Lunch Your Relationship and Yourself * A Stirring of the Heart and the Passions * Skeletons in the Cupboard * Love Hurts * Someone to Lean On * Life in a Country Cottage * Deeper Levels are Activated Within You * A Clouded Mirror * Nowhere to Hide Your Relationship and Your Partner * Your Partner's Heart is Also Stirred * Home Comforts * Learning Self-Sustenance * Learning Martial Arts * An Activation of Your Partner's Creative Potentials * Chariots of Fire * Your Partner's Mind and Spirit Come Alive * Learning to Laugh * Sober Thoughts IV. Deeper Issues Activated Inside Basic Relationship Patterns within You * A Worldly and Competent Spirit * The Challenge of Achievement Basic Relationship Patterns within Tom * The Incarnation of the Spirit * The Challenge of Mundane Reality V. Conclusion Appendix The Perspective of the Relationship Horoscope * Astrological Technique * Further Reading|
The Alchemy of Relationship
"The meeting of two people is like the meeting of two chemical
substances. If anything happens, both are changed."
- C. G. Jung When we mix together the ingredients for a cake, we begin by measuring the appropriate quantities of distinct and separate ingredients: flour, butter, eggs, sugar, milk. But somehow, when these are blended together in a particular order and baked at a particular temperature, we create an altogether different entity. The chemical composition of the ingredients has irrevocably changed; the cake smells, looks and tastes different from any single ingredient which we put into it at the outset; and through some magic which the chemist might explain but the cook usually does not comprehend, a transformation process has occurred which is nothing short of miraculous. Some ingredients, skillfully combined, make a delicious treat. Others produce a reasonable but unexciting dessert. Still others, even if they sounded wonderful in the book, create one of those kitchen failures which teach us to try another recipe next time. And perhaps even more mysteriously, different people like some kinds of cakes and find others indigestible; and no one really knows why. Human relationships are considerably more enigmatic than cookery, for the psychologist, unlike the chemist who observes changes in the molecular structure of eggs and flour, will never be able to totally reduce our interaction with others to a rational formula. There is a profound mystery at the heart of every relationship which always eludes our best efforts to explain why we are with this person and not that one. Yet the essential principle is the same. Take two human ingredients, distinct and separate, and put them together in the mixing bowl of a close relationship. Stir vigorously and apply heat - the heat of sexual desire, emotional need, conflict, intellectual exchange, the challenges of time and mundane circumstances, idealisation and inspiration - and through some extraordinary alchemy a new entity is created with its own life-force, its own intelligence and vision, and its own identity independent of and different from the two people who generated it. Even more mysterious is the effect which this new entity has on the character and development of the individuals involved. At best, each person may grow and blossom through the transformative effect of the relationship. At worst, both may suffer. Or the relationship may be healthy for one partner but turns out, however delicious, to disagree badly with the other. Some people bring out the worst in us, and some bring out the best. And this is not necessarily related to how we are treated by our partners. We may feel profound compassion for failings in one individual which invoke only contempt or anger when we perceive the same failings in someone else. We may find ourselves able to explore and express talents and abilities in one relationship which seem mysteriously blocked or thwarted in another - despite any active encouragement or obstruction on the part of our companion. Sometimes even deep love between partners cannot prevent the gradual erosion of confidence and enthusiasm in one or both people. Sometimes a couple who have always been ill-suited and unhappy with each other remain inexplicably locked in relationships for a lifetime, yet at other times a couple who in fact have much in common as well as a deep attachment to each other are forced apart in spite of their sincere and prolonged efforts to preserve the bond. Many failed relationships are due to the unintentionally destructive actions of both partners, and could be helped or even radically transformed through insight and joint effort. Many others are inexplicably unworkable despite such insight and effort. Every relationship contains many ingredients, some conscious and some unconscious; and however deeply we analyse ourselves and our partners, we must sometimes accept some deeper or higher intelligence at work in our relationship patterns. Yet whatever the nature and outcome of a relationship, if - as Jung puts it - anything "happens", both people are irrevocably changed. CHAPTER II WHAT BRINGS YOU TOGETHER Our attraction to another person is rarely as simple as we believe it to be at the time we experience that initial fascination. We may admire someone's handsome face or soulful eyes or lovely body or graceful way of moving. Or we may be drawn to their sense of humour, their intelligence or their personal power and self-confidence. But what we first register about another person is only the tip of a very deep and complex iceberg. You and Tom are two distinct individuals - two entirely different "substances" - each of whom brings to the alchemy of your relationship a defined personality with its own unique gifts, attributes and conflicts. But what is the specialness of the attraction? What has brought you together? George Bernard Shaw, cynical about relationships at the end of his life, once defined the state of being in love as the fallacy of believing that one person was actually different from another. Most of us, unless we have been deeply and perhaps pathologically embittered by experience, would not agree with him; people are ultimately irreplaceable because they are unique, and you and Tom create a unique chemistry between you. There may be areas where, in terms of your basic characters, you have an instinctive harmony and understanding with each other. That is usually why we believe we are attracted to another person: They seem to embody what we most admire and need. Yet in your relationship, as in every other, there will inevitably be friction and opposition as well as attraction, and you and your partner must accept a certain amount of compromise and adjustment in order to function together as a couple. And on a deeper level, there may be areas where you touch off highly combustible unconscious issues within each other, stirring up emotions and reactions which surprise you both. "But I didn't know that about him," you may say later. Or perhaps you really did know, but the glow of the initial intoxication obscured your own instinctive knowledge. 1. A First Look We shall look first at what has drawn you together. You may recognise in the initial overview an attraction of temperaments which you have met before in other relationships. This is because all of us instinctively seek in another what we feel we are missing within ourselves, and if one relationship fails to provide it then we will continue to seek that sustenance from the next. But your bond with your partner is unique, for you and Tom are the highly individual human substances whose mysterious chemical interaction may ultimately change you both. All the World's a Stage Because you possess a volatile, imaginative and romantic nature, you are likely to feel instinctively at ease with your partner's own fine imagination and emotional depth. Both of you would prefer to inhabit a kind of fairy-tale realm where feelings, intuitions and inner reality matter more than the demands of the mundane world; and both of you, as Goethe once put it, prefer crisis to the insult of an ordinary fate, and want a larger-than-life love which infuses your lives with meaning and adventure. However, neither of you is very good at coping with the limits and responsibilities of material reality, and each of you may at times secretly wish your partner would look after your practical needs and deal with all those annoying and banal invasions which life persists in producing, while you get on with the really creative business. You and Tom share many of the same values and together possess an unusual compatibility of outlook. You can also be a great stimulus to each other's creativity, and help to make each other feel much more alive and full of potential. But someone has to do the washing up, and even if you are pretending to play the earthy role because you feel you have to, you are likely to feel extremely resentful about it if your partner does not acknowledge your efforts or fails to provide the containment and stabilising influence you need. You are not very adept at providing it either, not without a great deal of inner conflict; and if the two of you want to avoid regular quarrels about being taken for granted, you might do well to be true to yourselves and make sure others are enlisted to deal with those practical matters which neither of you really wants to be burdened with. 2. Heart and Body The most obvious way in which you and Tom affect each other is through the activation of each other's emotions and desires. Although such a mutual stirring of feelings and passions may not always be comfortable or harmonious, nevertheless even through conflict this activation of heart and body gives life, energy and excitement to the attraction between you. The Thrill of the Chase There is a very intense sexual attraction between you and Tom, but it is not altogether a harmonious one. Conflict and excitement seem to go hand in hand with the two of you, and the archetypal themes of the chase and the conquest are likely to be mixed with the pleasure of making up after a quarrel. You are very drawn to your partner's subtle and sensitive approach to getting what he wants, yet at the same time you are likely to sometimes feel bullied and invaded, and may experience considerable anger as well as strong desire. He, on the other hand, sees you as the epitome of all he wants and desires, and is especially attracted to your steady loyalty. But sometimes it may seem as though he wants you to be someone else altogether, and often the two of you get your signals crossed. Just when you are wanting to be courted, Tom is busy doing something else, or he pursues you in what you feel to be the wrong way at the right moment, so that you become elusive and end up frustrating him. There is a certain amount of pleasurable erotic game-playing in all this, and it can be highly enjoyable for you both. But there may also be an edge of cruelty in some of those games, and you may encounter real anger in your partner if you play too coy. Equally, he may encounter a real turn-off in you if he pushes you too far. The two of you may need to do quite a lot of honest talking about your needs and desires in order to avoid hurt and misunderstanding, and get the most out of the powerful sexual spark between you. A Mutual Admiration Society You probably find your partner beautiful, and he feels and becomes more attractive and desirable through the warmth of your appreciation. There is a strong physical magnetism and natural sexual compatibility between you, for in many ways Tom embodies your ideal of good looks, style and taste - even if you had not formulated such an ideal before. His realism, competence and self-containment are very appealing to you, and draw out romantic as well as erotic feelings from you. Your partner in turn blossoms because of your loyal and practical way of expressing love, and the two of you have an instinctive sense of how to please each other on every level. A Conflict of Taste You and your partner arouse strong feelings of sexual desire in each other, and initially are likely to believe that you have found the perfect romantic match. But there is an element of disharmony in your attraction which, if you are not prepared to go your own way at times, can lead to a deep sense of disappointment and disillusionment in you both. It is your personal tastes and values which sometimes do not accord, and which can cause each of you to (usually mistakenly) feel unloved. Your partner may not always be appreciative of your practical and realistic approach to love, while you may find it difficult to respond to what you experience as his detachment and lack of demonstrativeness. The two of you may also disagree on matters of aesthetic taste, from the way you dress to the colour you paint the bedroom walls. You may both sometimes feel frustrated at the other's lack of understanding of what kind of behaviour makes you feel happy and wanted, for you have very different ways of expressing love. But if you and your partner can avoid trying to change each other in the name of some perfect ideal, the element of friction in your attraction to each other can in fact deepen your tolerance and your appreciation of values other than your own. 3. Mind and Spirit You and Tom have a dynamic effect on each other not only because emotions and passions are stirred, but also because the mind and spirit in both of you are stimulated and expanded as well. Although such intellectual, spiritual and creative stimulation of each other may at times seriously challenge existing attitudes and beliefs, thus causing you to quarrel or disagree, nevertheless the ultimate effect you have on each other is one of increased understanding and vision, and the development of talents and skills in each of you which may have been ignored or undervalued in the past. An Ongoing Birthday Party The worldly and self-contained qualities of your partner's personality have a way of making you genuinely like him. He inspires great tolerance and generosity in you, and you are likely to want to offer your best to him. There are elements of real respect and admiration in your feeling about him, and even without any romantic attraction, you would probably instinctively feel the basis for a friendship. Tom also seems to trigger your feelings of hope and faith in the future and in your own potentials, and your appreciation of order and beauty is likely to be expanded and given form through his company. The two of you also have the ability to laugh together, for your partner brings out your sense of humour and is in turn a receptive audience for it. Whatever emotional conflicts might arise between you, the creative energy and enthusiasm which you generate in each other can help you both cope with your problems from a more positive and constructive viewpoint. Postcards From the Edge Simply through who you are on an ordinary everyday level, you stir a feeling of almost electric fascination in Tom. Your adventurous spirit and feeling for drama act as a powerful mental stimulus to your partner, shaking him out of old and outworn attitudes and opening up new ideas and possibilities. You in turn feel naturally sympathetic and protective toward the trapped spirit within him, sensing unlived potentials and a need for greater freedom which he himself might not yet recognise. However, there is something in all of us which resists change, and the exciting new attitudes and potentials which you awaken in Tom may also arouse considerable anxiety; and he may react by occasional abrupt and hurtful withdrawals which disturb your sense of emotional security within the relationship. Both of you are liable to be infected by this feeling of anxiety and imminent change, particularly your partner, who may unconsciously fear chaos or disruption in his previously safe social world. Because of the unpredictable emotional climate which is generated between you, your attraction may undergo extreme fluctuations, and the relationship may be punctuated by crises or separations initiated by either or both of you. But one of the things which has brought you together is a deep need in you both for change and the breaking of old ties and attitudes, and if you can understand your partner's anxiety and give him plenty of breathing space you can turn this challenging dynamic into a highly inspiring and life-expanding experience. A Turbo-Charged Engine You and Tom share an affinity both of sexual style and of the manner in which you pursue your goals. Your energy tends to harmonise rather than conflict, and it is likely that you will want similar things at the same time, and set about getting them in similar ways. This not only bodes well for your physical relationship, but also makes it possible for you to pool your resources and aim for joint working projects and creative goals as well; for you could work well together, stimulating each other's ambitions and drive - as long as each of you has an independent area of authority. Your instinctively subtle way of pursuing your goals complements your partner's intensity, and as a couple you could achieve pretty much what you wanted, whether you are working toward personal security and fulfilment or a more idealistic vision. The positive exchange of energy between you not only vitalises both of you sexually, but also activates the will and the competitive spirit in both of you. This means that you may also sometimes find yourselves in combat over who is going to run the show. But even when you are battling, there is mutual understanding in it, and this "letting off steam" which may occur from time to time does not alter the basic affinity between you. Riding the Roller Coaster Part of the attraction between the two of you involves the electric quality of instability and mental awakening which you bring into your partner's life. Although this may at times be quite disturbing to you both, it is nevertheless a powerful component in what draws you together. There is something about your essential nature, with its emotional complexities and hidden depths, which excites and fascinates Tom, for you open up facets of life and of your partner's personality of which he has probably previously had little experience. You in turn are drawn to a quality of originality and spirit of which he might not have been fully aware, but which attracts you like a flower does a bee. But your partner may not always welcome the stirring of this more unconventional side of his nature, and the feeling of moving into an unknown world of ideas and experiences may bring up powerful feelings of anxiety in him. This anxiety is a natural human reaction to change, for it is likely that you, willingly or unwillingly, will eventually be the catalyst for major changes in his thinking, attitudes and interaction with others. Tom may need to be aware of his tendency toward abrupt and compulsive withdrawals because of his anxiety. The unpredictable element which the two of you experience is rather like a fluctuating electrical current, and it may lead to crises and separations; for you are like a pair of magnets, sometimes attracting and sometimes repelling. But if you and your partner can recognise that perhaps this element is needed in both your lives, and that you can help to free each other from many old attitudes and outworn habits, you will both be able to manage the challenge you pose each other with greater confidence and trust in yourselves. 4. Conflict and Challenge In many respects, as the above analysis indicates, the ways in which you and Tom affect each other are lively and positive. Even when there is friction, it is likely to be stimulating rather than oppressive. But there are deeper levels at work in every relationship, and the unconscious exchange between two people may be quite different from what is experienced on the conscious level. It is as though one drama is being enacted openly between you in the sitting room of the house, but an entirely different and more disturbing one is taking place in the basement - and periodically some sulphurous fumes may rise up the staircase to disturb the activity above. The unconscious fears and defensive reactions which you and your partner activate in each other may from time to time rise to the surface of your life together, creating hurtful difficulties which you may initially not understand. But if you are willing to explore the motives and feelings at work beneath the threshold of your everyday awareness, these conflicts can lead to great insight, growth and compassion in both of you. Emotional Roadblocks You seem to have an instinctive empathy for your partner's awkwardness in communicating his ideas and feelings, and this is likely to arouse deeply protective feelings in you. You can sense that Tom is shy and defensive in this sphere, even if he does not recognise or admit it; and you try to respond with sensitivity and tact when the "hot" issues are encountered. Your partner in turn needs this feeling of protection and containment because it provides a kind of healing for his earliest childhood wounds and deprivations. He has had to struggle to develop strengths which can in turn give you a quality of stability and structure, supporting your fluid imagination and rather ungrounded approach to life. However, because your partner is deeply touched and stirred by your response to him, this is likely to activate some of the old childhood feelings of anxiety, and the extreme vulnerability which this can invoke in him can make him react at times with what seems like coldness, rejection or hurtful criticism. You are highly sensitive to such defences, because you are quite dependent on his support; and if you cannot learn to stand alone at times and let things be, you may find yourself becoming depressed, lonely and extremely sorry for yourself. Thus, if you and Tom do not face and work with this complex dynamic, you should not be surprised if there is a tendency for sulky atmospheres and unspoken resentment to hover between you, often without either of you realising quite why or how it has happened. Yet you could turn this often difficult energy into an extremely creative exchange, because the two of you need each other and could provide each other with deep loyalty and strong emotional support. But great honesty with yourselves and each other is required of both of you, for the awkwardness and anxiety which Tom is likely to feel around you, arising from his unspoken fears, may make him perversely deny you the emotional reassurance you most need just at the time you need it. Fortified Castles Issues of power and raw emotion are hidden beneath the surface of your attraction to your partner, although it is unlikely that these issues will arise in the early stages of the relationship. Initially the two of you are likely to feel an intense pull toward each other which has an almost "fated" feeling, as though you both somehow sense the other will be instrumental in creating deep changes in your life. Tom is drawn to a quality of emotional depth and intensity in you which fascinates him, but the strength of the emotional and sexual attraction which he experiences may trigger earlier experiences of desire and disappointment which can make him increasingly defensive and critical toward you as the relationship progresses. Because he may fear being overpowered by you (which is really his fear of being overpowered by his own feelings), he may find himself engaging in a covert power battle to establish control over the relationship. His anxieties around believing in himself and his potentials can make him exaggerate your strength and force of personality because he has a subjective feeling of being weaker. You are probably highly sensitive to his fears, and have an almost uncanny intuitive ability to smoke them out; and whatever defences he throws before him, they cannot really protect him from a direct and powerful emotional meeting. You have intense and possessive feelings for Tom, and may yourself be alarmed by the strength and depth of them. Rather than engaging in power battles which can only hurt you both, it would be better if you could be more honest with each other about your vulnerability and fear of being controlled; for in your attraction there is such potential for deep compassion, insight and healing that any effort is worth making to reap the rewards. Vulnerable Feelings You have a deep need for your partner's emotional containment and nurturing, although you may not be able to express this need to him with any ease. His qualities of generosity and desire to offer encouragement draw a powerful response from you, for you feel healed and nourished by them; but they also penetrate the defences of a lifetime and make you aware of hurts and wounds which spring from the earliest years of your life. Because of the extreme vulnerability which you are likely to feel - even if it is unrecognised - you may at times react to Tom with a highly disturbing mixture of anger and coldness, especially if you experience the least sign of withdrawal or disinterest from him. Abrupt withdrawal or wounding criticism are not unlikely, and this may sometimes seem very difficult for your partner to endure. He is very sensitive to your painful shyness and sense of isolation around your body and sense of competence in the world, even if you are not conscious of this yourself; but because his own feelings are so deeply involved, he may need to cultivate more detachment and objective understanding, and indulge less in self-pity and unspoken resentment when he has been hurt. There is a profound and complicated dynamic at work between the two of you which could indeed offer healing to you both, as well as increasing your partner's sense of dependability and capacity for commitment. But a great deal of consciousness and honesty will be needed, because the depth, importance and transformative potential of this aspect of your attraction cannot be realised in the midst of evasion, game-playing or mutual blame. CHAPTER III THE ESSENCE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP 1. Your Relationship as an Independent Entity In alchemical symbolism, two substances combine to create a third, new entity. The relationship which you and Tom create together is a living thing, an independent entity in its own right. It has an essential character or basic nature just as any living thing does, and therefore its development process follows the integrity of its own inner law - just as a tomato plant grows from a seed into itself rather than an apple tree. This essential character might or might not be what either you or your partner has in mind as an individual. Probably it is a little of both. And neither you nor Tom may fully perceive the real essence of your relationship until sufficient time has passed for you to experience on the emotional as well as the intellectual level what you have created between you. Also, this mysterious entity has an outer personality which expresses itself in the world in very distinct ways which are different from your own personalities; and it may surprise you when friends or relatives or colleagues describe how they see you as a couple because you are not aware of the outer shape of the life-form you and your partner have created together. Your relationship is the product of the mysterious chemical interaction that occurs between the two of you. Yet it is not wholly under the control of either of you, and it is possible that, while you can bring greater consciousness to the core issues expressed within the relationship, you cannot ultimately turn it into exactly what you want through any act of will. Once the ingredients for a cake are chosen, mixed and baked, we must accept the nature of the thing we have made. We can make certain alterations, like putting on a delicious frosting, and we can try to ensure that we have our cake at a time when we are hungry and will appreciate its taste. But we cannot unbake the ingredients and demand that they combine differently to get a different sort of cake. Once we create a relationship, we must also accept and work with the thing we have made; for it is the product of a combination of individuals, alchemically mixed, cooked and brought to life. A Relationship with Vision The keynote of your relationship with Tom is mutual advancement, or, put another way, the potential expansion of both your lives. There might be some elements of a kind of opportunism in this quality of expansiveness and the pursuit of greener pastures. But it is a benign rather than a coldly calculating opportunism, borne out of vision and an intuition of future potentials; and as the old saying goes, it's as easy to fall for the conductor as the second violin. The inherent quality of movement toward a bigger and better future is a life-enhancing attribute of this relationship, and probably each of you has something which the other can recognise, consciously or unconsciously, as a great boon in the spheres of social, material and professional advancement. Because of your emotional vulnerability, your need for closeness and security in your relationships, and your fear of being at the mercy of life's more unpredictable face, you may sometimes find yourself uneasy and mistrustful in this relationship. Its emphasis on the promise of future potentials, and its highly imaginative, extraverted and rather theatrical energy, may at times seem threatening to you because you cannot put such dreams to an immediate test; and you may doubt the authenticity of the bond because of the somewhat unconventional and adventurous approach to love which it requires of you. This relationship demands considerable movement and freedom within it, and this may sometimes leave you feeling a little isolated, insecure, and inclined to want greater definition of roles and more concrete guarantees of stability from your partner. You like to know exactly where you stand in most things, and the relationship has a way of presenting you with a promising but ambiguous vision of the future, rather than a watertight structure which will keep you safe. Yet if you allow the relationship to work its alchemy on you, you may find that you are better able to appreciate the nontangible, imaginative dimensions of love, and can find greater inner flexibility and freedom as well as increased trust in yourself and in life. Part of the power of this relationship is the feeling it is likely to invoke in each of you that the other is somehow the key to a bigger, better and happier future; and it is this sense of potentials and possibilities which makes the partnership so expansive to your individual talents and vision. Others will probably be well aware of the originality and intensity of your relationship, and you should not underestimate the impact you have as a couple on the people around you. There is a peculiarly transformative effect which this relationship may have on those close to you, and you may find yourselves inadvertently bringing about important changes in their lives - even if neither of you has done anything to precipitate this. Sometimes the two of you may feel as though, if you walk into a party, someone will inevitably have a crisis within ten minutes. But the power and emotional depth the relationship conveys to others reflects the unusual and complex nature of your bond. There is also a generous quality to the energy of the relationship - an ambience of tolerance and optimism - which will also have an effect on you both, making you eager to share your "bounty" with each other; and given the chance, there is every likelihood that this partnership will leave you both, whether together or apart, with far more resources and benefits than either of you had before you met. It may feel to you as though a kind of "good luck" graces the relationship, although in reality it is an opening up of your intuition and sense of what is possible which leads to benefits, rather than any magical power at work. All the most positive qualities of the relationship are likely to show themselves when you and Tom travel together (mentally as well as physically), or when you can plan projects and develop joint spheres of interest which have an open-ended and expansive note. For this reason you and your partner would get the best out of the relationship if you can develop a lifestyle which allows room for the new and the adventurous, rather than sealing yourselves into too conventional, structured and narrow a routine. The darker side of this extremely exciting and mutually expansive energy is that, because the relationship invokes all your most cherished dreams about a wonderful future in which you and your partner can achieve anything together, you and Tom may overlook the less glamorous issues of daily life, and the problems which might arise between you from deeper, unconscious sources. The focus of this relationship is on the future, not on the present or the past; and its most natural avenues of expression are ones which take you out into a bigger and more exciting material world, or up into a broader and more inclusive spiritual perspective. The tone of optimism which no doubt sparked both of you at the beginning of the relationship, and which will always remain a component of it, is a lovely thing to find between two people, for it can provide you both with a sense of deep meaning and trust in life. But there is such a thing as overoptimism. You may both find yourselves assuming that future possibilities will mitigate the need to work hard, jointly and individually, to reach your goals; and you may disregard the natural human limits which every dream of the future sooner or later encounters. The energy of this relationship may create a strange collusion between the two of you, where you tell each other (and yourselves) that everything will be alright at some distant, unspecified point just around the corner while ignoring the immediate problems and conflicts which must be solved in order to reach that distant horizon. The Mind Has No Limits The expansive and quite visionary quality of your relationship with Tom is likely to find its most natural expression through intellectual channels, for there is also a powerful urge within the relationship to communicate and share the world of ideas. Because of the strong intellectual bias of this bond, it is important that you and your partner make room for its energy - even if one or both of you has in the past been uninterested in such mental pursuits, or felt handicapped through insufficient education. Whatever barriers or inner blocks you may have had before, this relationship offers an opening up of the mind and spirit and a sense of boundless possibilities which could inject a profound feeling of meaning into both your lives. There are particular spheres where some conscious effort on both your parts could provide the energy of the partnership with highly productive channels. The imaginative and communicative needs of the relationship need to be grounded through solid vehicles such as the creation of a joint business, a school, or a professional service of some kind which facilitates the communication skills and education of others. Because the high-flying energies of this partnership ultimately need to be earthed, you and your partner would benefit from the challenge of making your ideas tangible and putting them to the test in the marketplace. Your relationship with Tom, although it needs to be anchored in everyday life, is really made of the stuff of mind and spirit; and it is through opening up these channels that you can make the most creative use of the energies of the bond. Like everyone else the two of you need times of closeness, contentment and emotional warmth; for you are both human and, however grand the vision opening up before you, it is the food of ordinary companionship which will sustain you on your quest. But this relationship requires more. Of course you and your partner could become so entranced by the upper levels of life that you overlook these basic needs in your search for excitement and mental stimulation. Nevertheless, at the heart of the bond is a powerful quest toward understanding and meaning; and even if neither of you has seen yourselves in this light in the past, the partnership is sure to constellate it in you both. There is No Such Thing As a Free Lunch If you and Tom find yourselves falling into such overoptimism, you run the risk of avoiding the confrontations and conflicts of the present by looking only at the rosy prospects ahead. Then, when presented with a serious dilemma - material or emotional - you and your partner may become evasive, or utilise dubious escape routes in order to delay the inevitable day of reckoning. There is something about the energy of this relationship which brings out of you both a tendency to want the easy life, even if you have been a more realistic person in the past. Both of you may begin to formulate fantasies of glamour, adventure, material wealth, intellectual or spiritual advancement, or some other glorious dream which, ordinarily, you would be more pragmatic and cautious about pursuing. As they say in New York, there is no such thing as a free lunch. But this relationship could make you and your partner forget such earthy wisdom. Something happens when the two of you contemplate the future together; it becomes bigger, brighter, and grander than anything you have had in the past. The partnership's optimistic energy may bring the gambling instinct out of both of you, which really means hoping for maximum payoff with minimum effort. This can sometimes really work, because of the humour, playfulness, enthusiasm and expanded intuitive sense which the bond constellates in both of you. But it can also go badly wrong at times, because unconscious conflicts and mundane obstacles may rise up when you are unprepared for them, shattering the dream in a very painful way. One of the most creative aspects of the relationship is its very genuine potential to enlarge your horizons, individually and as a couple. You and your partner will undoubtedly grow through the influence of the bond, and the tolerance and generosity which are part of the relationship's energy will bring out the best aspects of both your characters. Somehow each of you can manage to forgive the other for things which, in anybody else, you might find intolerable. Even if the relationship does not endure as a permanent bond, it is probable that the two of you would always remain friends and wish each other well. But it would be very helpful if you could both try to balance the array of glowing future prospects with the building of some real substance, which can only come out of honest confrontation with each other over everyday emotional and material issues, and a willingness to accept each other's innate limits. You may both also need to examine the tendency within the relationship to cover over personal problems with a surface gloss which makes others see you as a kind of dream couple. The glamour which this relationship is likely to carry around it like a cloak may seduce you both into thinking that the image is the substance. But with some pragmatism and patience, the two of you could have a real foundation upon which to build your dream-castles; and some of them at least could then become a reality. 2. Your Relationship and Yourself The following sections describe the effect of this relationship on yourself. While the previous sections of text always spoke to both of you, you and your partner, the focus here will be on your side. A Stirring of the Heart and the Passions Your relationship with Tom is likely to activate particular aspects of your personality very strongly, and this includes first of all a stirring of your emotional and instinctual nature. The ways in which your passions, your needs and feelings, your sexual responses and your inner sense of self-worth and lovability are aroused - sometimes happily, sometimes through conflict - all contribute most powerfully to the transformative effect the relationship has on you. Skeletons in the Cupboard There is something about the emotional tone of this relationship which triggers very complicated issues within you. Like most people, you probably have areas of your personality where you carry feelings of shyness or awkwardness from childhood; and you have no doubt performed the very human exercise of protecting your vulnerability over the years with a workable defence-system that keeps painful feelings hidden - not only from others, but from yourself. The emotional ambience of this partnership stirs all these old feelings into life, however, and you are liable to sometimes feel very defensive, inadequate and uncomfortable whenever you and your partner become too close. It is as though the emotional requirements of the relationship demand you to relinquish your defence-system, which is not likely to meet with an enthusiastic response from you. If you do not face your own internal issues honestly, you may block the flow of feeling within the relationship, making it very difficult to achieve any degree of real emotional intimacy, and isolating yourself in the process. But if you are willing to explore the early issues which have made you feel so defensive, and can share these with your partner, you will find that great healing can be found in this relationship, and a profound sense of containment, compassion and understanding. Love Hurts The romantic and erotic dimensions of this relationship may well bring you into confrontation with all that has been hurt within you since early childhood. In this way your partnership with Tom has the potential of helping you to heal many old wounds through the love and affection generated between you. You may sometimes feel awkward and threatened by the quality of affection and love which you experience in the relationship, for you are probably accustomed to defending yourself against too much closeness in certain ways. Sometimes it is more painful to feel loved than to feel unloved, for this makes us face our own unlovingness, as well as hurts from the past. But this relationship has a way of gently dissolving those defences, and touching very deep levels of your heart through the nature of the warmth and companionship made possible by the bond. If you can avoid defensive maneuvres because it leaves you feeling too vulnerable, you will discover a great deal about yourself, as well as developing greater compassion for your own humanness. Someone to Lean On You will probably feel contained, stable and emotionally nourished by your bond with Tom, because the emotional ambience of the relationship is in natural harmony with your own emotional needs. You are likely to feel deeply "at home"; for even if you have not paid too much attention to your needs in the past, you are being subtly emotionally "fed", and can relax and be yourself in ways which may have been impossible in other relationships. The mirroring of your needs which the partnership provides will give you a sense of happy and comfortable domesticity, and it is likely that you will want to stabilise this relationship through living together and perhaps starting a family. Even if there are battles and conflicts on other levels of the relationship, your deep sense of contentment and serenity within it can help to give you the emotional strength necessary to cope with whatever difficulties might arise. Life in a Country Cottage You are likely to feel very secure and contained by this relationship, especially by the way in which others see the two of you as a couple. You need the partnership because it seems to offer a safe and stable structure in the eyes of the world; and even if you experience deeper emotional conflicts, the outer appearance and style of the relationship touch your feelings deeply and are likely to make you feel as though you have come home. This may of course make you want to avoid any other relationship issues which need to be dealt with. But nevertheless some very important security needs can be satisfied by this bond; and if you are able to make sure these are not used to conceal other, more uncomfortable dynamics which need to be brought out into the open, you can rest contented on the solid base which the relationship provides. Deeper Levels are Activated Within You However, your relationship with Tom also has a powerful effect on the deeper and more unconscious levels of your psyche, constellating profound and often permanent changes in your attitudes, your outlook on life, and your understanding of yourself. Because of the more complex effect this relationship has on you, it may not always invoke pleasant responses; for no deep change can occur without conflict, and you may not always like what you discover about yourself. But if you are willing to accept the importance of this partnership, and its potential to heal old wounds and make you more whole, you may be able to tap hitherto unknown resources within yourself and find the most creative ways of dealing with the process of transformation which the relationship will very likely set in motion - with or without your consent. A Clouded Mirror The image which this relationship projects to the world, and the reactions others have to it, are likely to invoke deeply uncomfortable feelings in you. This is because old childhood hurts are being triggered, and you may experience an unusual sense of awkwardness and vulnerability when you and your partner make any entry onto the social or professional stage as a couple. The relationship somehow has a way of penetrating your defences, not because of anything you and Tom are doing to each other, but because the form it takes when you are confronting the world together has a tendency to arouse deep and old feelings of anxiety in you. You may try to protect yourself by cultivating a manner which devalues the relationship and hides your real feelings; or you may simply find yourself avoiding situations where you feel so exposed. But if you can be honest with yourself and can use the insight your uncomfortable responses could offer in helping you to understand your own complex inner world, you could find a great deal of healing in areas of your personality which have been hidden from the light for a long time. Nowhere to Hide An unpredictable and disruptive element in your relationship could have a deeply disturbing effect on you, causing a lot of inexplicable anxiety. Like most people, you probably have areas in your personality where, due to childhood experiences, you have feelings of hurt and inadequacy; and you have very likely covered over these feelings with a workable defence-system that protects your vulnerability not only from others but also from yourself. The element of instability within the relationship is not in itself excessive or unusual; but you are acutely sensitive to it, for it has a way of shaking up your defence-system so that you feel exposed and threatened with rejection or unexpected change. In consequence you may try to control this unpredictability by controlling your partner; or you may even try to escape its painful effects by escaping the partnership itself. However, if you can look inward rather than outward, and are willing to explore the deep-rooted anxiety which is being triggered by the chemistry of the relationship, you may not only understand yourself much better; you may also heal a few old wounds and find new resources within yourself to allow you to cope with life's inevitable changes with greater confidence and flexibility. 3. Your Relationship and Your Partner The following sections of text describe the effect of this relationship on Tom. Your Partner's Heart is Also Stirred Your relationship also has a powerful effect on particular aspects of your partner's passions, feelings and emotional needs; and this means that he, like you, is liable to experience a definite enriching and deepening of his heart and instinctual nature - even if this sometimes occurs through conflict and upset. Home Comforts The loving and physically affectionate qualities of this relationship have a powerfully positive effect on your partner's feelings, offering him a sense of security, contentment and personal happiness. He is likely to feel "at home" in this partnership, despite whatever conflicts the two of you might experience; and his sense of self-worth and belief in his own lovability are likely to be greatly enhanced by the genuine warmth and validation he experiences through the relationship. His need to be loved and to belong are strongly activated, and it is likely that he will have both in this partnership; and the deep contentment which he will probably feel is one of the most positive offerings of the bond. Learning Self-Sustenance The limits and obstacles inherent in the relationship could have a distressing effect on your partner's emotional tranquillity and sense of security. This does not mean that the partnership is unusually difficult or obstructive; but Tom has a particular vulnerability to the challenges it represents, and may react at times by feeling weary, hungry and lonely because his essential emotional needs are somehow being frustrated - no matter how hard the two of you work to shift the obstacles. Certainly he is being confronted with a difficult lesson in self-sufficiency; for it is probable that there will always be some inherent area of difficulty between the two of you (as there is in any partnership), and that he will simply need to be a little tougher and more able to nourish himself in those situations where the relationship fails to satisfy all his needs. But there is something potentially more creative at work here than a simple dictate to pull his socks up and get on with it. He could turn this apparently frustrating situation into a highly creative one; for the relationship's challenges can help him to become more realistic about life and love, more genuinely self-sufficient, and more compassionate and tolerant in his response to others. It would probably be a bad idea for him to indulge in self-pity and pathos in order to get the security he needs from you; for it is the chemistry of the relationship, rather than you, which seems to be thwarting him. But if he is willing to accept greater emotional independence within the partnership, and can find some of his emotional nourishment through other, more individual channels, the transformative effect of the relationship on his feelings and needs could in fact bring much greater contentment and emotional maturity to his life. Learning Martial Arts The dynamic side of this relationship has a way of stimulating your partner's own energy and passion, both sexually and in terms of his effectiveness and confidence in the pursuit of his goals in life. His erotic feelings are likely to be strongly aroused, but his impatience and competitive spirit will be as well - perhaps to a degree which surprises him if he has been a relatively self-contained and quiet personality in the past. If Tom encounters any frustration or obstacle to getting what he wants, either from the relationship or from life, he may find himself becoming very rash, impulsive and insistent, and even quarrelsome. In general, this inflaming of your partner's passions is a very positive experience, giving him a tremendous sexual boost as well as firing his physical vitality and his sense of potency in life. But it is all a little too combustible, and he needs to be able to accept the odd bout of fireworks. Also, this relationship cannot promise that he will get everything he wants; it simply activates his desire-nature in a powerful way, making him more aware of his own needs in a new and exciting way. Consequently he may need to keep his wits about him, enjoying the stimulation but retaining some objectivity and patience at the same time. An Activation of Your Partner's Creative Potentials Your partner can also benefit from the relationship on a creative level, for it is likely to activate his imagination and creative abilities as well as his capacity to express himself in the world. Chariots of Fire Your partner's sense of potency and effectiveness in the world is likely to be activated strongly by the inherent expansiveness and energy of this relationship. Even if he has not been a very goal-orientated person in the past, this partnership has a way of making him more aware of what he wants, as well as making him want it more passionately. There is a sense of future potentials within the relationship which stimulates Tom to pursue all his own unlived potential with greater courage and self-confidence than he might have felt before. He may also discover a side of his personality with which he might not have been too well-acquainted: a powerful will which does not compromise readily, and a temper to match when that will is thwarted. Your partner is likely to become an altogether stronger, more honest and more direct person through the effect the relationship has on him; and he may also feel that this bond brings him luck in some way, because of his increased sense of self-esteem and his enhanced feeling of being in charge of his own life. Your Partner's Mind and Spirit Come Alive The relationship also affects your partner's mental outlook and world-view, just as it does your own; and because of the way in which the partnership activates particular aspects of his mind and spirit, he could experience a definite broadening of his mental horizons and vision. Learning to Laugh This relationship could prove very inspiring to Tom, mentally and spiritually, because of the quality of communication inherent in it. His imagination and sense of future potentials are likely to be activated by the mental rapport he experiences, and his horizons - both mental and physical - are likely to broaden. His sense of humour is also constellated, and even if deeper emotional difficulties arise between the two of you, somehow this relationship encourages your partner to see the funnier side of even the darkest dilemmas. Even if he has inclined toward a more prosaic and earthbound view of life in the past, this relationship has the power to stir within him a powerful optimism about the future and an increased faith in his own unlived potentials and possibilities. Sober Thoughts Something about the quality of communication in this relationship may seem to block your partner's ability to express himself, for the mental rapport between the two of you could trigger areas of his personality where since childhood he has felt awkward and perhaps somewhat inadequate. The effect of this triggering is that on some level Tom may feel he is not sufficiently "clever" or articulate; and any early difficulties with speech or education may be brought back to his awareness in an uncomfortable way. He might try to defend himself against these feelings of vulnerability by becoming critical toward the relationship and rather rigid, dogmatic or intolerant in his thinking; and this would result in his unconsciously blocking the flow of communication within the relationship. Words are more likely to wound him than they might have done in other relationships, and he could also use them defensively as a weapon to cover his own anxiety. But if your partner can confront these personal issues of shyness and inadequacy more honestly, he could heal many old wounds, as well as deepening his ideas and powers of thought and expression. CHAPTER IV DEEPER ISSUES ACTIVATED INSIDE 1. Basic Relationship Patterns within You The transformative potential of your relationship with Tom may be greater than you realise. Every important human bond activates many levels of the personality, and some of these levels are unconscious and unrecognised. All of us bring our own inner issues and preconceptions into a relationship with another person. A relationship involves not only the chemistry between the two personalities, but also our unconscious images of what it is to be a man or woman. These inner images are partly shaped by our experiences of the first man and woman we meet in life - father and mother. But perhaps more importantly, they also reflect profound hidden truths about our own essential characters. The less aware we are of these deeper aspects of ourselves, the more likely we are to enact and project them blindly - and sometimes destructively - in our relationships. The inner images of man and woman which we all carry are really pictures of our own needs, expectations and potentials. They may be coloured or even distorted by childhood experiences, but fundamentally they belong to us as individuals. They have both positive and negative features, and we have the freedom to express both. Because people are by nature complex and multifaceted, we have more than one of these inner pictures of masculine and feminine within us. And each deep relationship we encounter in life could activate a quite different aspect of our inner world, presenting us with very different challenges and bringing very different responses out of us. The relationship which you and Tom have created, because it is an independent living thing, will have an effect on the inner world of both you and your partner, triggering unconscious images of masculine and feminine in ways which you may not always be aware of. It is as though the two of you are living with a third person who exercises a subtle but powerful influence on how you feel and behave when you are together. This is the real alchemical work of the relationship, for both of you will be changed by the energies which have arisen between you. Some of its effects might feel very positive, and others might be extremely disturbing. Most human interaction involves a mixture of both. It is likely that sooner or later this relationship will stir up old childhood patterns and feelings, because the inner images of masculine and feminine which you and Tom bring into the relationship are coloured by the past. This gives you both a chance to discover untapped potentials in yourselves, as well as facing and healing hurts and wounds from early life. You and your partner could respond to the activation of your inner world in a creative and productive way, using what you learn about yourselves to make important changes in your attitudes and manner of self-expression. Or you could blame everyone and everything in sight for your discomfort, and make a general mess out of things if you so choose. You and your partner may not be able to unbake the cake you have made. But you have a great deal of choice in terms of how you deal with what this relationship activates within you. A Worldly and Competent Spirit Whatever you as a woman may consciously define as femininity, there is an image within you of woman as builder and doer and, on the dark side, as termagant. This figure is powerfully activated in you by your relationship with Tom. In myth the image is best portrayed by the mysterious Amazons - the warrior-women of the Black Sea coast who fought their own battles and created an independent society with its own laws and customs. The image of the Amazon is not really a maternal figure, although in myth these warrior-women bore children and raised them with devotion. Nor does this figure portray a "masculine" or "asexual" woman - in myth the beautiful Amazon queen, Penthesilea, is the lover of the Greek hero Theseus. The Amazon is an ancient and archetypal image of the worldly capability and strength inherent in the feminine principle. Whether you are conscious of it or not, this impulse toward achievement in the concrete world is part of the fabric of your inner nature. It is possible, however, that during your childhood you witnessed a frustration of this energy in your mother, who may have been denied a career or professional standing, either through lack of opportunity or personal insecurity. Because of this you may need to untangle your own unconscious conflicts and insecurities around issues of success and material achievement in your working life as well as in your relationship with your partner. It is probable that you perceived a great tenacity, determination and sense of responsibility in your mother. You also possess these qualities in abundance - even if you have not been able to express them fully. The patience, realism and capacity for commitment inherent in your inner image of woman equip you to work loyally and hard toward any worldly goal you choose, and because of this you would benefit from having a rewarding professional life independent of your relationship with Tom. But your mother may have been frustrated in her own worldly aspirations because of her very powerful security needs and her dependence on collective approval. This could have made her inadvertently critical of you and your own abilities - not because she did not love you or wish the best for you, but because she had to carry a burden of unconscious envy arising from her own frustration. You have probably experienced a certain amount of unconscious undermining of your confidence because of this, and it might be helpful for you to explore those areas of your life where you are frightened of taking risks or testing your talents in the marketplace. If you do not fulfil your potentials, it will not be because of lack of ability. It will be because you were afraid to try. Your inner image of woman offers you tremendous energy and fighting spirit, and also a need for challenge and drama which cannot be fully met through your relationship. This is not because there is something "wrong" with the relationship, but because no person can totally satisfy all another person's emotional and creative needs. You need a stage on which to perform and a worthwhile cause to which you can commit yourself. You have the vitality and inventiveness to achieve a great deal in worldly terms. However, it is possible that you perceived this same energetic fighting spirit thwarted and blocked in your mother during your childhood. As a result you may have had to contend with her unconscious envy and anger, expressed in various covert ways. Although this in no way reflects "bad" parenting or lack of love, nevertheless you have probably experienced a certain amount of criticism or impossible expectations, and this could have undermined your confidence in your own abilities. Because you have a strong need to be recognised and appreciated through a career of some kind, you would do well to aim high. But you may also need to do some untangling of complicated threads involving unconscious envy and competitiveness arising from your childhood. And you may also need to view with a clear and objective eye the ways in which your fear of being trapped and thwarted like your mother could make it difficult for you to effectively balance your career goals with the emotional requirements of your relationship. The Challenge of Achievement Your inner image of woman also reflects a highly competitive quality which necessitates your finding the right challenges in your professional life. Therefore it might be best if you pursue a goal of being self-employed and independent of hierarchies and organisations which could stifle or thwart your initiative and creative imagination. There is more than a touch of the actor in you, and you would probably not be content to quietly pursue a financially remunerative career which did not earn you any applause. Because you need to be at the centre of the stage somewhere in your life, it is particularly important that you find this leading role outside your relationship with Tom. For if you suppress this need for recognition you may become extremely jealous and resentful if your partner manages to get the accolades which you secretly want so badly for yourself. Issues of envy - yours toward others, and theirs toward you - are likely to loom large in your working and personal life, and you may have particular conflicts in terms of competition with other women. It is possible that there was a great deal of unconscious envy and competition between you and your mother, although this is not in any way mutually exclusive with deep love. But you may unconsciously be drawn back to this kind of situation in your dealings with your own sex, both in your professional life and in your relationship with Tom. What you need most of all is to compete and win in honourable ways through achieving a unique and individual goal in the world, with all the applause that comes with it. This would help to heal whatever hurts you may have suffered in childhood, and would restore and enhance your faith in yourself. The dynamic and capable inner image of woman which forms such an important part of your feminine nature urgently needs outlets in the world, so that you can find the creative stimulation and challenge you require to feel real and fulfilled. This is in no way mutually exclusive with your ability to find contentment in your relationship with Tom. Nor does it require any aggressive or militant social or political stance. The inner image of the Amazon is not "anti" men or "anti" the more traditional feminine attributes. Rather, it contributes a positive and dynamic element to your nature, allowing you to find great satisfaction through the pursuit of worldly goals and the achievement of material and creative self-sufficiency. If you feel thwarted in this, it is not because the rest of the world is "sexist". More likely you are unconsciously carrying some very negative expectations and assumptions because of what you saw in childhood, and your own unconscious anger may make far more trouble for you than any collective attitudes you encounter outside. You are neither your mother's redeemer nor the vessel for her own anger and frustration. If you are able to deal with these issues with insight, compassion and realism, you will be able to achieve the highly individual balance you need to enjoy the stability of your relationship and at the same time the rewards of a fruitful working life. 2. Basic Relationship Patterns within Your Partner Tom also has within him images and patterns of response which are activated by the relationship. Thus your partner is also receptive to the transformative potential of the bond; and even if this sometimes involves conflict and uncomfortable self-confrontation, he could experience deep and positive changes as a result. The Incarnation of the Spirit Whatever your partner may consciously define as "masculine", there is an image within him of man as eternal youth and free spirit, the special and favoured child of the gods. His relationship with you brings this image alive in a very powerful way. In mythology, it is best portrayed by the trickster-god Hermes, who presided over the traveller and the wanderer, and served as the messenger between heaven and earth. Although this volatile and youthful image may not accord with more "macho" or conventionally patriarchal images of masculinity, it is an ancient and archetypal portrayal of one of the faces of manhood; and it is part of the fabric of your partner's inner world - whether he is aware of it or not. The most creative face of this inner figure is his spirit of adventure, his clever, inspired and endlessly fertile mind, and his ability to find life perennially interesting and full of possibilities regardless of age or circumstances. There is also great elusiveness and mischief in your partner's youthful inner image of manhood, and he probably carries a strong sense, albeit unconscious, that he ought to be exempt from the moral limits and material burdens of more ordinary folk. Because he feels he is special, he may resent not only the obligations and restrictions which any committed relationship incurs, but even basic human rites of passage, such as ageing, or taking responsibility for the consequences of his choices in life. Even if he is unaware of such feelings, he has a tendency to keep trying to escape from the dreariness of ordinary life through various means - the grand drama of secret love-affairs, the excitement of travel, the glamour of fame, the challenge of dangerous sports, or simply a fantasy-world of his own creation in which the present (including this relationship) is really provisional and "real life" always lies somewhere in the future. The deeper issue underlying such escapist tendencies is in fact a profound resentment at having to be mortal, for the mythic Eternal Youth is the child of the gods. In fact Tom is special - although this does not mean better than other people - because he possesses a rich and fertile imagination, a generous heart and an irrepressible spirit of fun and adventure. But a contributing factor to his inability to find the best expression for this inner image may also be that in childhood he saw his father trapped and resentful at his own life passing by. However, Tom has probably developed other strengths to balance this high-flying spirit; and he may have even suppressed the eternal youth from his awareness and his life because of the conflict with other aspects of his character. The Challenge of Mundane Reality There is also a side of your partner's nature which is deeply responsible and almost compulsively attached to material security and collective acceptance. This may make him feel very guilty about his craving for boundless horizons, because it seems somehow "selfish" and "irresponsible". If he can find a way to balance this more sober aspect of his masculine self with the bright and expansive spirit of the eternal youth, he can honour and give form to his imaginative and intuitive gifts while still enjoying the satisfaction of a more settled life with you. But it is likely that he is torn between these two poles of commitment and freedom; and he may try to fight what he sees as the more irresponsible elements within himself through an overly developed sense of duty and material ambition - which springs, ultimately, from his deep anxiety about losing his emotional, rather than his financial, security. At bottom, to put it simply, he does not appreciate himself enough, and this makes him far too sensitive to what "They" think of him. The eternal youth may then be restricted to whatever extracurricular activities he can pursue without destroying the fabric of his material and social stability. This is bound to lead to intense frustration and a feeling of being trapped, thwarted and depressed. Probably he witnessed his father also torn between the free spirit and the family man, and he is now faced with the same archetypal dilemma from which this parent suffered. He may find, too, that the mischievous side of the eternal youth has a rather difficult time accepting any outside authority which imposes rules; and even if he is attempting to encase himself in solid worldly structures, some rebellious or recalcitrant streak in him keeps kicking (perhaps unconsciously) against patriarchal figures and institutions - whether these are employers, traffic wardens, the tax man, a conservative government, the police, or any other "father surrogate" which seems to be stifling his nascent freedom and creativity. In his relationship with you, your partner may find himself alternating between feeling restricted and feeling so overly responsible that he restricts you. It may be that the problem lies not in the relationship itself, but rather, in an inner conflict, independent of anything you might be or do, which he can begin to solve if he can learn to find his security through self-respect and self-value rather than outer structures. The spirit of the eternal youth within Tom, of which Hermes the lord of travellers is such an apt image, is thus counterbalanced by a stabler and potentially very positive containing quality which offers him the strength, tenacity and patience to anchor his inspirations through work or creative projects which are rewarding on material, emotional and spiritual levels. Also, this polarity within him can help him to achieve a rare blend in his relationship with you - joy and excitement combined with loyalty and commitment. But it may be important for him to accept the fact that the extremes of these two aspects of his character will have to be compromised on some level if he wishes to live them in some kind of harmony rather than in constant internal warfare. Too much encasement in material responsibilities is not good for him, even if it makes him feel more emotionally secure, for he needs room to be spontaneous and fly; and he would do well to work with you to create a relationship which allows plenty of scope for adventure, freedom, joint creative projects, and the possibility of change and development. Equally, too much rootlessness is also not good for him, for he needs the containment of some kind of stable domestic life. The archetypal image of Hermes, eternal youth and lord of travellers and wanderers, lies deep in the fabric of your partner's inner life, and strongly colours the kind of man he is - both in his relationship with you and in his dealings with the outer world. This is an enormously creative spirit, which can infuse his life with vision, enthusiasm and unquenchable hope - despite the fact that he may not be altogether suited to the more restrictive aspects of traditional family life. Although he needs a certain amount of responsibility and structure to give this inner spirit shape and grounding, he also needs to listen to it when it demands air to breathe. For if he can provide channels - in the relationship, in his work and in his leisure activities - which give that inner spirit plenty of scope to dream and fly, Tom will find that it does not topple the stable structures he has built. If he denies his own self, this trickster-spirit will either bring the edifice down through your partner's own unconscious actions, or make its frustration known through depression and psychosomatic symptoms. If your partner does not balance this inner spirit with a little worldly realism and discipline, it will keep him living a provisional life with no substance and no real productivity, forever chasing the "one day" which never comes. But if he can contain the spirit of Hermes without crushing it, he can have it all. CHAPTER V CONCLUSION It has been suggested by various psychological investigators as well as dramatists, poets and novelists over the ages, that without relationship we would never become conscious of ourselves. It takes another person to reflect back to us, as in a mirror, who we really are, whether this is on the most superficial level of public image or the most profound level of essential identity. Plato once wrote that we see in the face of the beloved a glimpse of the god who presides over our own soul; and it might also be added that we see a glimpse of our personal devils there as well. No astrological chart, whether interpreted through the skills of an individual astrologer or the more limited capacities of a computer, can tell us whether we should or should not be involved with a particular person; nor can it tell us whether the relationship is "good" or "bad", or whether it will endure. Ultimately, human choice, human creativity and human compulsion always upset the most careful of psychological and astrological predictions. But insight into why we are drawn to another person, what we create with that person, and how we are changed by it can give us tools for greater choice and creativity, and fewer compulsions. If a relationship has depth and the power to transform, it will inevitably, at some point, cause us pain - especially the pain of leaving an old and outworn self behind. If we are able to recognise that the only time we truly get to enjoy two hearts beating as one is in the womb, then we can approach our relationships with realism as well as idealism. The medieval alchemists knew that the gold they sought was human gold, not metal; and if we can rediscover some of that vision, then we are better equipped to perform the great and mysterious alchemical work of loving another individual. APPENDIX The Perspective of the Relationship Horoscope In developing the Relationship Horoscope, Liz Greene began with her professional experience of clients wishing to gain astrological insight into their personal relationships. These clients most often have been in a relationship for a period of time, perhaps one or two years if not more, and the romantic and blissful beginnings have moved into a deeper and more realistic interchange. The darker aspects of both personalities have by this time been revealed, and problems and conflicts have come to the surface - usually resulting in a desire to understand more about the dynamics at work.
Both partners may not express the same interest in an astrological analysis of their relationship. One may even be quite skeptical of astrology. But very clearly, one partner is interested - and in this case it is you. You might come alone for an astrological consultation to discuss your relationship with Tom. The Relationship Horoscope is written with this scenario in mind: It addresses you as the one who has requested the analysis, and it refers to Tom as a third party, as "your partner". Thus the Relationship Horoscope does not speak to both partners, but to only one. The contents, however, refer to both partners in a symmetrical fashion. If you want to share your Relationship Horoscope with Tom, you might suggest that he bears this in mind while reading, rethinking the text accordingly. However, if this seems inappropriate for you and your partner, you are free to order a second copy with the text reversed so that it addresses Tom, referring to you in turn as "your partner".
To order a reverse Relationship Horoscope with the text addressed to Tom, please write an e-mail to firstname.lastname@example.org and note the order code TPRE as well as the complete number of your present Relationship Horoscope. You will find this number at the bottom of the title window and at the bottom left of each page.
This second report is available at a dramatically reduced price (this may depend on the country from which you order). Astrological Technique To create the Relationship Horoscope, three astrological charts are examined - the natal chart of both partners and the composite chart calculated according to the midpoint method. For the compilation of the interpretation text, the following main astrological factors are taken into account: cross- aspects between the two natal charts, dominant themes in the composite chart, aspects between the composite chart and the two natal charts, and certain themes in the two natal charts which are triggered by either the partner's chart or the composite chart. Further Reading The Relationship Horoscope touches upon many elements in both natal charts, but particularly focusses on those relevant to relationship patterns and themes. Having read the present horoscope, you or your partner may be interested in a broader analysis of your own personality beyond the relationship perspective. In this case we would like to recommend the
by Liz Greene (also available from us). Recommended astrological reading referring to relationship themes: "Astrology for Lovers" by Liz Greene: An amusing but profound view of the zodiacal signs regarding their characteristic behaviour in relationships. "Relating" by Liz Greene: An insightful approach to relationships which synthesises astrology and depth psychology.
Astrological Data used for Relationship Horoscope
HOUSE POSITIONS (Placidus)
HOUSE POSITIONS (Placidus)
Joint Composite Horoscope PLANETARY POSITIONS
HOUSE POSITIONS (Placidus)