Relationship Horoscope

The Alchemy of Relationship
"The meeting of two people is like the meeting of two chemical substances. If anything happens, both are changed."
- C. G. Jung
When we mix together the ingredients for a cake, we begin by measuring the appropriate quantities of distinct and separate ingredients: flour, butter, eggs, sugar, milk. But somehow, when these are blended together in a particular order and baked at a particular temperature, we create an altogether different entity. The chemical composition of the ingredients has irrevocably changed; the cake smells, looks and tastes different from any single ingredient which we put into it at the outset; and through some magic which the chemist might explain but the cook usually does not comprehend, a transformation process has occurred which is nothing short of miraculous. Some ingredients, skillfully combined, make a delicious treat. Others produce a reasonable but unexciting dessert. Still others, even if they sounded wonderful in the book, create one of those kitchen failures which teach us to try another recipe next time. And perhaps even more mysteriously, different people like some kinds of cakes and find others indigestible; and no one really knows why.
Human relationships are considerably more enigmatic than cookery, for the psychologist, unlike the chemist who observes changes in the molecular structure of eggs and flour, will never be able to totally reduce our interaction with others to a rational formula. There is a profound mystery at the heart of every relationship which always eludes our best efforts to explain why we are with this person and not that one. Yet the essential principle is the same. Take two human ingredients, distinct and separate, and put them together in the mixing bowl of a close relationship. Stir vigorously and apply heat - the heat of sexual desire, emotional need, conflict, intellectual exchange, the challenges of time and mundane circumstances, idealisation and inspiration - and through some extraordinary alchemy a new entity is created with its own life- force, its own intelligence and vision, and its own identity independent of and different from the two people who generated it.
Even more mysterious is the effect which this new entity has on the character and development of the individuals involved. At best, each person may grow and blossom through the transformative effect of the relationship. At worst, both may suffer. Or the relationship may be healthy for one partner but turns out, however delicious, to disagree badly with the other. Some people bring out the worst in us, and some bring out the best. And this is not necessarily related to how we are treated by our partners. We may feel profound compassion for failings in one individual which invoke only contempt or anger when we perceive the same failings in someone else. We may find ourselves able to explore and express talents and abilities in one relationship which seem mysteriously blocked or thwarted in another - despite any active encouragement or obstruction on the part of our companion. Sometimes even deep love between partners cannot prevent the gradual erosion of confidence and enthusiasm in one or both people. Sometimes a couple who have always been ill-suited and unhappy with each other remain inexplicably locked in relationships for a lifetime, yet at other times a couple who in fact have much in common as well as a deep attachment to each other are forced apart in spite of their sincere and prolonged efforts to preserve the bond. Many failed relationships are due to the unintentionally destructive actions of both partners, and could be helped or even radically transformed through insight and joint effort. Many others are inexplicably unworkable despite such insight and effort. Every relationship contains many ingredients, some conscious and some unconscious; and however deeply we analyse ourselves and our partners, we must sometimes accept some deeper or higher intelligence at work in our relationship patterns. Yet whatever the nature and outcome of a relationship, if - as Jung puts it - anything "happens", both people are irrevocably changed.

CHAPTER II

WHAT BRINGS YOU TOGETHER

Our attraction to another person is rarely as simple as we believe it to be at the time we experience that initial fascination. We may admire someone's handsome face or soulful eyes or lovely body or graceful way of moving. Or we may be drawn to their sense of humour, their intelligence or their personal power and self-confidence. But what we first register about another person is only the tip of a very deep and complex iceberg. You and Brad are two distinct individuals - two entirely different "substances" - each of whom brings to the alchemy of your relationship a defined personality with its own unique gifts, attributes and conflicts. But what is the specialness of the attraction? What has brought you together? George Bernard Shaw, cynical about relationships at the end of his life, once defined the state of being in love as the fallacy of believing that one person was actually different from another. Most of us, unless we have been deeply and perhaps pathologically embittered by experience, would not agree with him; people are ultimately irreplaceable because they are unique, and you and Brad create a unique chemistry between you. There may be areas where, in terms of your basic characters, you have an instinctive harmony and understanding with each other. That is usually why we believe we are attracted to another person: They seem to embody what we most admire and need. Yet in your relationship, as in every other, there will inevitably be friction and opposition as well as attraction, and you and your partner must accept a certain amount of compromise and adjustment in order to function together as a couple. And on a deeper level, there may be areas where you touch off highly combustible unconscious issues within each other, stirring up emotions and reactions which surprise you both. "But I didn't know that about him," you may say later. Or perhaps you really did know, but the glow of the initial intoxication obscured your own instinctive knowledge.

1. A First Look

We shall look first at what has drawn you together. You may recognise in the initial overview an attraction of temperaments which you have met before in other relationships. This is because all of us instinctively seek in another what we feel we are missing within ourselves, and if one relationship fails to provide it then we will continue to seek that sustenance from the next. But your bond with your partner is unique, for you and Brad are the highly individual human substances whose mysterious chemical interaction may ultimately change you both.

An Inner Conflict of Realism and Vision

Because you have considerable inner tension between your security needs and the more romantic and idealistic side of your nature, you are likely to bring a certain amount of conflict into your relationship with Brad simply because you are torn between reality and your dream of love. The earthier aspects of your personality crave stability and continuity, but if you try to circumscribe the relationship with too many routines and structures, you tend to start feeling restless and trapped, as though something has gone "missing" from the original romantic excitement. Equally, if there is too much unpredictability, you begin to feel insecure and threatened. Probably you confuse yourself as much as you confuse your partner with these apparently contradictory and mutually exclusive needs, and you may need to be careful not to try to solve the problem by repressing one side of yourself in favour of the other.

The truth is that you need both from your partner, and the two of you need to work together to find a lifestyle which allows enough reliability but which also allows a spirit of adventure and excitement to occasionally upset the routine. If you reject the more staid side of your nature because you are afraid of being trapped in mundane life, you may force Brad to carry the weight of the practical side of the relationship, which would end up depressing him and cutting you off from any feeling of real security within yourself. But if you try to suppress your natural romanticism in favour of security, you may stifle your partner and force him to act out the unpredictable elements in your own personality. If you can learn to live with your own contradictions, allowing a place for both in the relationship, you and your partner will be able to enjoy the entire spectrum.

2. Heart and Body

The most obvious way in which you and Brad affect each other is through the activation of each other's emotions and desires. Although such a mutual stirring of feelings and passions may not always be comfortable or harmonious, nevertheless even through conflict this activation of heart and body gives life, energy and excitement to the attraction between you.

Irrepressible Desires

Put very simply, your partner's looks turn you on, and you are likely to experience a very strong sexual attraction to each other. Probably you are the sexual initiator in the relationship, directly or indirectly; and the intensity of your attraction, combined with your romantic idealism, are a source of life and energy to him. You vitalise him, and your admiration brings out his natural generosity and warmth. The uncomplicated and direct nature of this aspect of your attraction, and the possibilities it offers for sexual harmony and compatibility, are a positive counteraction to any conflicts which might arise in the relationship; for this strong physical attraction between you is likely to be a lasting one.

A Sense of Safety

You are likely to experience feelings of deep fondness and warmth toward Brad, particularly toward the vibrant and enthusiastic way in which he expresses himself to the outer world. The person he is striving to become strikes a deep resonance in you, and makes you want to offer emotional support and containment. This attraction can bring you extremely close at times, even to the point where you could become one of those couples who comfortably mirror each other's dress and mannerisms; and the sense of safety and security which you provide your partner is also likely to create a deeply affectionate quality both in bed and out. Your loyalty and willingness to champion your loved ones makes him feel more effective as an individual, and more attractive and desirable as well. The mutual sense of affection and warmth the two of you generate is one of the happiest notes in your attraction to each other.

3. Mind and Spirit

You and Brad have a dynamic effect on each other not only because emotions and passions are stirred, but also because the mind and spirit in both of you are stimulated and expanded as well. Although such intellectual, spiritual and creative stimulation of each other may at times seriously challenge existing attitudes and beliefs, thus causing you to quarrel or disagree, nevertheless the ultimate effect you have on each other is one of increased understanding and vision, and the development of talents and skills in each of you which may have been ignored or undervalued in the past.

An Ongoing Birthday Party

The dramatic and energetic qualities of your partner's personality have a way of making you genuinely like him. He inspires great tolerance and generosity in you, and you are likely to want to offer your best to him. There are elements of real respect and admiration in your feeling about him, and even without any romantic attraction, you would probably instinctively feel the basis for a friendship. Brad also seems to trigger your feelings of hope and faith in the future and in your own potentials, and your need for creative expression is likely to be expanded and given form through his company. The two of you also have the ability to laugh together, for your partner brings out your sense of humour and is in turn a receptive audience for it. Whatever emotional conflicts might arise between you, the creative energy and enthusiasm which you generate in each other can help you both cope with your problems from a more positive and constructive viewpoint.

Where There's Life There's Hope

Your innate originality and sparkle arouse generous and downright noble feelings in your partner. Without trying, you make him want to offer his best to the relationship, and you also stir his sense of optimism about the future, expanding his horizons and giving him greater faith in himself and his potentials. It is as though you stir the spirit in him as well as the heart, and the quality of friendship and mutual consideration inherent in the attraction between you makes you both better people. In turn Brad brings a quality of vision and meaning into your life, for his adventurous spirit and creative mind give you a sense that life is bigger, broader and much more interesting in his company. The two of you bring out some very refined and idealistic feelings in each other, as well as a deep spiritual sense that life is essentially good and will take care of itself; and even if this makes you both a little too stylised, grand and extravagant at times, it also ensures that the sense of fun, adventure and hope will rarely be absent between you.

Flying a Hot Air Balloon

There is great vitality and inspiration in the energy exchange between you and Brad, for you spark each other off not only sexually but also in terms of your sense of expansiveness and future possibilities. It is as though, when you are together, you suddenly begin thinking of all the things you could do together, and all the places you could go, and life opens up in a much bigger and more exciting way. Your partner's need to grow and stretch his horizons is triggered by your natural enthusiasm and courage, and he is likely to loyally back your efforts and goals because he can intuitively understand what you want from life. You also bring out his generosity and warmth, and whatever goals you pursue, you have a loyal and well-meaning supporter who believes in you. You in turn are energised by his adventurous spirit and imagination, and there is something about him that makes you want to work hard for the relationship as well as for your own goals. The two of you can very rapidly generate some quite grand dreams about what you will do with your future together, and may sometimes overestimate where you can get and how fast you can get there; for you also activate each other's extravagance and wilfulness. But the optimism and confidence which you bring out of each other create a resilience in both of you which can help you to bounce back from disappointments and find the energy and hope to try again.

Riding the Roller Coaster

Part of the attraction between the two of you involves the electric quality of instability and mental awakening which you bring into your partner's life. Although this may at times be quite disturbing to you both, it is nevertheless a powerful component in what draws you together. There is something about your essential nature, with its high ideals and strong desire for perfection, which excites and fascinates Brad, for you open up facets of life and of your partner's personality of which he has probably previously had little experience. You in turn are drawn to a quality of originality and spirit of which he might not have been fully aware, but which attracts you like a flower does a bee. But your partner may not always welcome the stirring of this more unconventional side of his nature, and the feeling of moving into an unknown world of ideas and experiences may bring up powerful feelings of anxiety in him. This anxiety is a natural human reaction to change, for it is likely that you, willingly or unwillingly, will eventually be the catalyst for major changes in his world-view and the ways in which he expresses himself. Brad may need to be aware of his tendency toward abrupt and compulsive withdrawals because of his anxiety.

The unpredictable element which the two of you experience is rather like a fluctuating electrical current, and it may lead to crises and separations; for you are like a pair of magnets, sometimes attracting and sometimes repelling. But if you and your partner can recognise that perhaps this element is needed in both your lives, and that you can help to free each other from many old attitudes and outworn habits, you will both be able to manage the challenge you pose each other with greater confidence and trust in yourselves.

Complement and Combat

You and your partner fascinate but also irritate each other because of your extreme differentness. There is a dichotomy between your essential values and outlook which is both complementary and combative, and your innately reasonable and civilised nature will often conflict with what you experience as your partner's occasional bouts of insensitivity and self-centredness. However, despite the rather tense feelings which may arise between you because of this difference of temperament, there is also quite a lot of strong attraction and admiration, for each of you expresses something the other needs to learn. You might both try to cultivate greater tolerance toward each other, enjoying the other's abilities while remaining loyal to your own values; for your respective goals and world-view, although right and necessary for you individually, may not be right for the other, and efforts at conversion on either side will only spoil the attraction you feel toward each other.

A Display of Fireworks

The mutual excitement which you and Brad arouse in each other is also full of friction, conflict and competitive feeling, and you will probably both need to cultivate a taste for a good fight if you are to make the best of your attraction to each other. The two of you carry a very high voltage between you, and this is a great sexual stimulant; but your direct and energetic approach to getting what you want somehow grates against your partner's natural caution. Through no fault of either of you, you are likely to find yourselves in combat even if you want the same things, because you pursue them in opposite ways. What you really have is a good old-fashioned battle of wills, with each of you trying to assert your strength in the face of the other's apparent aggression. You and Brad energise each other very strongly, both sexually and in terms of your goals and ambitions; but you are also likely to spend a lot of time expending that energy locking horns. If you can avoid taking it all too personally, the two of you can learn a lot about tolerance; but somehow, when you and your partner get around each other, your capacity to remain calm and reflective tends to fly out of the window. If you have had a problem with open conflict in the past, this relationship can help you to appreciate the importance and positive value of clearing the air from time to time, and can teach you not to be frightened of healthy anger and competition. But you will need to learn to deal with powerful emotions in yourself and in your partner, for if you bottle them up to avoid confrontation, you may find that you begin to accumulate a deep well of resentment which, when it finally does erupt, is much bigger and darker than whatever incident might have triggered it.

4. Conflict and Challenge

In many respects, as the above analysis indicates, the ways in which you and Brad affect each other are lively and positive. Even when there is friction, it is likely to be stimulating rather than oppressive. But there are deeper levels at work in every relationship, and the unconscious exchange between two people may be quite different from what is experienced on the conscious level. It is as though one drama is being enacted openly between you in the sitting room of the house, but an entirely different and more disturbing one is taking place in the basement - and periodically some sulphurous fumes may rise up the staircase to disturb the activity above. The unconscious fears and defensive reactions which you and your partner activate in each other may from time to time rise to the surface of your life together, creating hurtful difficulties which you may initially not understand. But if you are willing to explore the motives and feelings at work beneath the threshold of your everyday awareness, these conflicts can lead to great insight, growth and compassion in both of you.

Mutual Therapy

Your partner's ability to contact a rich lode of imagination within himself activates your admiration, but it also stirs up some very deep anxieties in you. Brad seems to embody not only all that you respect and value, but also all that you feel unable to express yourself; for he is, albeit unwillingly, a catalyst for unconscious hurts and frustrations which spring from your childhood and which will very likely arise in quite disturbing ways within this relationship. If you are not honest with yourself about the challenge your partner poses simply by being himself, and you are not able to face your vulnerability and need of him, you are likely to sometimes display a critical and defensive attitude, and may even cut off your feelings in an abrupt and hurtful fashion.

Because a deeper level of interchange is invoked through your attraction to each other, greater consciousness is required of you both. Brad is probably quite sensitive to your fear of the physical world, including your own body and self-image, and he is likely to feel strongly protective and loyal toward this hurt and awkward side of you. But elements of inadvertent bruising are still likely to arise between you. If you wish to avoid wounding and being wounded in this relationship, both of you need to be open and honest about yourselves. The healing which you seek from your partner can truly be achieved, but the key lies in his being able to feel compassion for your flaws as well as admiring your strengths; and for you to accept this more realistic but also more enduring kind of love.

Tongue-Tied

You are as drawn to Brad for his qualities of mind as to his qualities of heart and body. But the communication between you is a complex issue, because certain deeper and more unconscious feelings are stirred which can create problems in an otherwise fertile dialogue. Although you have a profound admiration for your partner's way of thinking and expressing himself, you also feel somewhat intimidated or threatened by what you experience as his superior mental abilities. His shrewd and realistic way of looking at things, which allows him to cut through nonsense to the truth of the matter, have, through no fault of his, triggered old hurts around communication and learning which spring from your childhood, and which may make you feel unconsciously awkward around him even when there is no cause. But this activation of deeper issues may not be evident to you; you may instead react to Brad with criticism, silence, evasion, or a show of patronising indifference, so that he winds up being the one who feels intellectually inferior in some way. Your partner may also feel that you do not listen to him, or that you disagree with him on principle without reflection. If the two of you do not understand what has been set in motion between you, you may sometimes find yourselves in some rather nasty and wounding arguments. But this relationship can give you great insight into your own dilemma, and the more the two of you are able to discuss these issues honestly, the more creative the outcome. And you can offer Brad a stabilising and containing quality which can help him to ground his ideas and put them to practical use.

CHAPTER III

THE ESSENCE OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP

1. Your Relationship as an Independent Entity

In alchemical symbolism, two substances combine to create a third, new entity. The relationship which you and Brad create together is a living thing, an independent entity in its own right. It has an essential character or basic nature just as any living thing does, and therefore its development process follows the integrity of its own inner law - just as a tomato plant grows from a seed into itself rather than an apple tree. This essential character might or might not be what either you or your partner has in mind as an individual. Probably it is a little of both. And neither you nor Brad may fully perceive the real essence of your relationship until sufficient time has passed for you to experience on the emotional as well as the intellectual level what you have created between you. Also, this mysterious entity has an outer personality which expresses itself in the world in very distinct ways which are different from your own personalities; and it may surprise you when friends or relatives or colleagues describe how they see you as a couple because you are not aware of the outer shape of the life-form you and your partner have created together.
Your relationship is the product of the mysterious chemical interaction that occurs between the two of you. Yet it is not wholly under the control of either of you, and it is possible that, while you can bring greater consciousness to the core issues expressed within the relationship, you cannot ultimately turn it into exactly what you want through any act of will. Once the ingredients for a cake are chosen, mixed and baked, we must accept the nature of the thing we have made. We can make certain alterations, like putting on a delicious frosting, and we can try to ensure that we have our cake at a time when we are hungry and will appreciate its taste. But we cannot unbake the ingredients and demand that they combine differently to get a different sort of cake. Once we create a relationship, we must also accept and work with the thing we have made; for it is the product of a combination of individuals, alchemically mixed, cooked and brought to life.

The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of

The keynote of your relationship with Brad is enchantment. This quality of dreamlike beauty and bewitchment embraces many dimensions of reality, from the erotic to the spiritual. And some aspects of it can be inspiring and uplifting while others may be painful, confusing and disappointing. Above all, enchantment implies a state which is above or beyond ordinary mundane reality - an alternative world where feelings are heightened, events are infused with hidden meaning, knights protect princesses from dragons, and gods and heroes walk the earth. Here in this magical Paradise Garden, protected from the intrusion of the banal, the loneliness of human existence can be mitigated through a "true" union of souls.

Because of your dramatic self-sufficiency and your need to prove that you can handle life's challenges alone, you may find your relationship with Brad sometimes difficult and even a little threatening because of the loss of individual boundaries which you are at times likely to experience. The romantic qualities inherent in the relationship, and its almost mystical sense of merging, tend to slip beneath your defences and penetrate your inner isolation and self-absorption, making you more aware than you might like of your need of and dependency upon others. Also, the adjustments and sacrifices which the partnership might require are likely to make you feel vaguely resentful at times, because you are strong-willed and generally like to have things your own way. Yet if you allow this relationship to work its subtle alchemy on you, you may discover that it is actually alright to need another person, and that a shared burden is not an insult to your strength.

The rather exalted emotional atmosphere of the relationship is likely to stimulate a lot of idealism in both you and your partner, and both of you may at times experience a sense that some "higher" destiny was at work in bringing you together. There may also be a strange sense of recognition between you, fostered by the sense of fusion which the relationship generates, which may lead you to believe that this is a bond which has endured through many lifetimes. Whether or not these feelings are "true" in any objective sense (and no horoscope can answer that question), they are certainly true on the psychological level as a reflection of the relationship's emotional tone. This bond might well give you and your partner a feeling of being lifted out of the usual limits and difficulties of the world of money, security, domestic routines, and social status. When you are together, these things may not seem to matter any more. Others will also appreciate the creative spark and intensity between you, because together you tend, consciously or not, to project an image of style, grace and harmony which to some people may seem the embodiment of the "ideal couple". Whatever you might really be feeling, there is a romantic ambience about the surface style of this relationship which will make the two of you dress and interact with others with qualities of harmony and good taste. This is in many ways a true reflection of the more romantic and idealistic elements within the relationship. The two of you are also unlikely to air your feelings in public, regardless of how combustible things might be between you at times; and this enhances the elegant and courteous persona which this relationship carries.

But this state of fusion which lies at the core of your relationship may in part be illusory, because it requires the blurring or disregarding of your individual boundaries. Because the emotional energy of this bond has a way of eroding your sense of separate reality, it may also lead both of you into an unwitting abdication of personal authority and responsibility within the relationship. There may be a deep sadness inherent in the spell which the relationship casts over you both, for there is always some sacrifice involved in enchantment - whether this means giving up certain material rewards in order to be together, or giving up the hope of a permanent relationship. The heightened perceptions which the relationship is likely to stir in you and your partner are impossible to preserve intact in a world bound by time and human limits. Some compromise of the dream must ultimately be made, and some acceptance of each other's flawed humanity. Thus the enchantment of your bond opens up the gates of a magical world, stirring the spirit and the creative imagination in both of you, but at the same time containing within itself the inevitable seeds of disillusionment. This relationship is liable to activate a very deep and perhaps previously unconscious need in both of you to transcend the loneliness of mortal life and restore a lost state of union which is really reminiscent of the pre- birth state. This longing exists in all human beings, and in some way it is a very powerful drive, stimulating the desire to find meaning beyond the ordinary events of life. Perhaps you and Brad were not really aware of this before you met. But something about this relationship activates it powerfully in each of you.

If you perceive yourselves as soulmates, bound together through many lifetimes or connected by some inner purpose, you may experience times of deep joy and peace with each other. But equally, you may find it extremely difficult to shift gears and deal with everyday limits and disappointments. There is a kind of addictive quality to your bond, which may make you avoid or reject the natural process of getting to know one another as ordinary individuals, and confronting each other about your differences and conflicts. The enchantment of the relationship may cause you to stifle emotions such as anger or assertiveness, or may lead one or both of you to sacrifice your own valid path in life in order to remain in this soothing bath - even after the water has grown cold. And this movement toward the submergence of individual will and desire may be so extreme that, in a subtle way, you and your partner actually avoid any real commitment - either through some voluntary sacrifice or through an external situation which may be unconsciously architected by one or both of you, and which seems to prevent you building a stable life together.

Caution, Turn On Fog Lamps

The greatest danger which you and your partner face in the midst of all this beauty and enchantment is the tendency to indulge in self- deception or deception of each other, because the ambience of the relationship makes you try too hard to preserve the magic you have experienced together. Self-deception in this instance means that you may both easily repress or ignore your own very legitimate emotional needs, ideals, beliefs and goals, pretending that each of you wants only what the other wants. If you lie to yourselves in this way, you may stifle fundamental and healthy aspects of your own natures, and these repressed drives will one day rise to the surface and create great confusion and difficulty. Individuality and fusion are indeed mutually exclusive; but it is possible to have a balance between them. You may also deceive yourselves by ignoring qualities in each other's characters which seem to threaten the feeling of two hearts beating as one. But if you remain willfully blind to the truth of another's character, you do not allow the other person to become real. This may generate deep resentment and anger between you, because you are really asking each other to be some perfect image rather than an actual person. One or both of you could resort to deception in order not to be a disappointment. This can mean deception in small, unconscious, cumulative ways; or it may lead to such big deceptions as secret relationships with others. One way or another, you and your partner, if you do not keep your feet on the ground while your heads are in the clouds, may build a relationship rooted in illusion.

A Subtle Dialogue

There is another element inherent in your relationship - a powerful mental and communicative energy - which can provide a creative and exciting balance to the enchantment you experience on the emotional level. This energy could bring greater clarity to both of you, and may be a great help in dispelling the romantic fog into which you and your partner are likely to sometimes stumble. Because the lively mental energy of the relationship stimulates both of you to think more clearly and articulate your ideas and feelings to each other more honestly, you and Brad may find that you can develop some genuine creative fields of endeavour together. You might, for example, become involved as a couple in writing or teaching projects, or in media work of some kind. The relationship's emphasis on communication and mental development can also help to offset the evasion and blurring of boundaries which arise from the more romantic feelings at work between you. The urge toward fusion which permeates this bond can easily make both of you afraid to express yourselves if it shatters the spell; but because you are also likely to need to communicate, you can find greater honesty and directness with each other.

You may find that making a conscious effort to develop spheres of shared interest, particularly around intellectual and cultural pursuits, helps to bring a breath of fresh air into the sometimes rather foggy atmosphere engendered by the relationship. The more you and your partner can develop your minds, and the more you are able to exchange ideas with others through friendships and social and humanitarian groups, the more objective your perspective on life will be. The deep sense of union which this relationship carries could be expressed very fruitfully in interests and individual contributions which connect you to a larger humanity.

There may always be a certain amount of conflict within this relationship, arising from the gap between your fantasy of oneness and your need to articulate your separate realities to each other. Words and ideas may seem to threaten emotional union, and there is a strong impetus in this bond to avoid too much clarity. Yet these very different but equally valid energies within the relationship are by no means mutually exclusive. You and Brad need to let words be imaginative vehicles for your feelings, following the path of the poet, the novelist and the dramatist, rather than assuming that too much analysing or intellectualising will spoil the magic of your partnership. Your relationship with Brad contains a remarkable blend of imaginative fantasy and a powerful drive to express the inner world to the outer in some creative form.

2. Your Relationship and Yourself

The following sections describe the effect of this relationship on yourself. While the previous sections of text always spoke to both of you, you and your partner, the focus here will be on your side.

A Stirring of the Heart and the Passions

Your relationship with Brad is likely to activate particular aspects of your personality very strongly, and this includes first of all a stirring of your emotional and instinctual nature. The ways in which your passions, your needs and feelings, your sexual responses and your inner sense of self-worth and lovability are aroused - sometimes happily, sometimes through conflict - all contribute most powerfully to the transformative effect the relationship has on you.

Coming Home

The expansive and innately generous qualities of this relationship are, to put it simply, likely to make you feel good. You will probably feel contained and protected, and supported emotionally in ways which you may not have experienced before. Whatever conflicts might arise on other levels (and there are bound to be some), nevertheless it is as though you have "come home" in some way. And you are likely to respond with an instinctive warmth and enthusiasm which can help you to face most of life's obstacles with optimism and a sense of humour. Even if you are in the midst of full-scale battles with your partner, you are still likely to retain your faith in the relationship because the relationship helps you to have more faith in yourself. And your capacity to express your feelings is likely to be deepened and stretched by the relationship, so that, even if you have been a more emotionally withdrawn person in the past, you will be able to be more spontaneous and open with others, and more able to take risks with confidence in your own future.

Love Hurts

The romantic and erotic dimensions of this relationship may well bring you into confrontation with all that has been hurt within you since early childhood. In this way your partnership with Brad has the potential of helping you to heal many old wounds through the love and affection generated between you. You may sometimes feel awkward and threatened by the quality of affection and love which you experience in the relationship, for you are probably accustomed to defending yourself against too much closeness in certain ways. Sometimes it is more painful to feel loved than to feel unloved, for this makes us face our own unlovingness, as well as hurts from the past. But this relationship has a way of gently dissolving those defences, and touching very deep levels of your heart through the nature of the warmth and companionship made possible by the bond. If you can avoid defensive maneuvres because it leaves you feeling too vulnerable, you will discover a great deal about yourself, as well as developing greater compassion for your own humanness.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

The mental and communicative dimensions of your relationship with Brad could stir very powerful emotions in you. You may be surprised and not at all pleased at the depth and intensity of your feelings, particularly if you have seen yourself as a rational and controlled sort of personality. More importantly, you may begin to gain insights into yourself and life which begin to change your outlook and attitudes at very deep levels. But you could also find yourself prone to deep suspicion, jealousy, possessiveness and manipulative behaviour -feelings which have perhaps not been part of your emotional pattern in the past, and which some elusive element in your verbal exchange with your partner activates. This relationship challenges you to understand yourself and your emotional nature in greater depth, and also calls upon you to learn to communicate your feelings in more honest and direct ways. This challenge could initially make you profoundly uneasy, as though you are never sure whether what is being said between you and your partner is really what is meant. If you can meet the challenge, however, you will find that the mental rapport between you and Brad can achieve great depth and insight, changing and deepening your own perceptions of life, love and human behaviour.

A Spur to Creative Expression

Your relationship also serves as a catalyst for the development of your talents, creative abilities, worldly goals and sense of individuality, although sometimes this personal growth may occur through friction and challenge rather than harmony. However, even with a certain amount of conflict, your partnership with Brad can offer you many opportunities for growth, self-development and an enhancement of your capacity for worldly achievement, as well as a more defined sense of who you really are.

You Too Can Be a Stand-Up Comic

The expansiveness and dynamic energy inherent in this relationship trigger your need to expand your individual horizons, and you will probably gradually become more and more aware of a sense of unlived potentials in your life. Hence the relationship's effect on you will in part be to invoke considerable restlessness, and a stirring of your imagination and your belief in your own future possibilities. It is important that you take these stirrings seriously, for one of the most creative contributions your partnership with Brad can offer you is an opening up of your creative potentials and an awakening of your spiritual life. However, you must act on these intuitions if you want your vision of the future to become a reality. There is also a quality of humour and tolerance within this relationship which activates your own sense of humour and ability to laugh at life; and you may find that you feel more generous and more genuinely tolerant than you have been with others in the past.

Chariots of Fire

Your sense of potency and effectiveness in the world is likely to be activated strongly by the inherent expansiveness and energy of this relationship. Even if you have not been a very goal-orientated person in the past, this partnership has a way of making you more aware of what you want, as well as making you want it more passionately; and there is a sense of future potentials within the relationship which stimulates you to pursue all your own unlived potential with greater courage and self-confidence than you might have felt before. You may also discover a side of your personality with which you might not have been too well-acquainted: a powerful will which does not compromise readily, and a temper to match when your will is thwarted. You are likely to become an altogether stronger, more honest and more direct person through the effect the relationship has on you; and you may also feel that this bond brings you luck in some way, because of your increased sense of self-esteem and your enhanced feeling of being in charge of your own life.

Waking Up the Mind and Spirit

Your relationship also exercises a powerful effect on your mental outlook, your spiritual beliefs, and your general attitude toward life, subtly challenging and changing your thinking and your capacity to express yourself. Although some of this stirring of your mind and spirit may occur through a collision of disparate viewpoints, nevertheless this partnership can open many doors for you, broadening your mental horizons and freeing you from old and outworn attitudes and viewpoints.

How to Be a Rent-an-Argument Service

You will probably be highly energised by the mental dimension of the relationship, although this energising may have the effect of making you behave like a "rent-an-argument" service at the same time that it stimulates your ideas and expressive capacities. Somehow the dialogue which is fostered between you and your partner activates your awareness of your own individual will and viewpoint, and in this way it has a very positive capacity to help you define your own identity as well as formulating your goals and objectives in life more clearly. But of course the more conscious you become of your individual right to think your own thoughts and pursue your own goals, the more likely you are to collide with your partner at times; hence the propensity for arguments which may arise, largely initiated by you. However, this does not have to be a bad thing; for if you can learn to turn argument into discussion and debate rather than blind verbal bashing, you will discover greater ability to go for what you want in life, and to express yourself more honestly to others.

3. Your Relationship and Your Partner

The following sections of text describe the effect of this relationship on Brad.

Your Partner's Heart is Also Stirred

Your relationship also has a powerful effect on particular aspects of your partner's passions, feelings and emotional needs; and this means that he, like you, is liable to experience a definite enriching and deepening of his heart and instinctual nature - even if this sometimes occurs through conflict and upset.

Muscle Power

The image this relationship carries in the eyes of others, and its general style and energy, could be tremendously exciting to your partner, and he may find himself greatly aroused by it - sexually and creatively. The partnership also constellates in him a strong desire to work for and put energy into the development of the bond, and it may well have been his initiative which brought it into being in the first place. Brad may sometimes feel as though it is his passion and enthusiasm which keep it alive, but it brings him to life as well - and he is likely to become better at making decisions and taking charge of his own life as a result. Whatever conflicts might arise between the two of you, the entity which you create in the world as a couple has a positive and energising effect on your partner, making him more aware of his own potency and generating within him the courage to meet whatever challenges life brings.

Home Comforts

The loving and physically affectionate qualities of this relationship have a powerfully positive effect on your partner's feelings, offering him a sense of security, contentment and personal happiness. He is likely to feel "at home" in this partnership, despite whatever conflicts the two of you might experience; and his sense of self- worth and belief in his own lovability are likely to be greatly enhanced by the genuine warmth and validation he experiences through the relationship. His need to be loved and to belong are strongly activated, and it is likely that he will have both in this partnership; and the deep contentment which he will probably feel is one of the most positive offerings of the bond.

Feeling loved

The particular romantic qualities of the relationship reflect in an especially harmonious way your partner's own ideals of love and romance. Because there is a kind of "match" between certain aspects of the relationship and his own very personal needs, he is likely to feel more loved, wanted, desired and personally fulfilled than he has in the past; and his sense of being an attractive, worthwhile and lovable person is likely to be strengthened considerably. Even if deeper conflicts disturb the emotional flow between the two of you at times, the relationship's capacity to activate your partner's ability to give and receive love can help to give him the confidence, tact and sensitivity to cope with whatever difficulties might arise.

Your Partner's Mind and Spirit Come Alive

The relationship also affects your partner's mental outlook and world-view, just as it does your own; and because of the way in which the partnership activates particular aspects of his mind and spirit, he could experience a definite broadening of his mental horizons and vision.

Strawberry Fields

Your partner's thinking is likely to be expanded and stimulated by the imaginative and expansive qualities of this relationship, and he will probably find that he is able to maintain a broader perspective on life and to express his ideas more fluently. In short, this partnership is good for his mind and his powers of communication. The sense of meaning, excitement and future potentials inherent in the relationship stimulates his own creative imagination. He may feel that the partnership opens his horizons physically as well as mentally, drawing him into an exploration of many new ideas and places. There may also be some very practical benefits to all this mental inspiration as well; for Brad is likely to feel supported by the relationship in developing his skills and talents. If he is involved in communication in any professional way (such as writing or teaching), the relationship can provide enormous benefits to him, for somehow it has a way of stimulating in him some very exciting ideas for future creative expression.

Learning to Laugh

This relationship could prove very inspiring to Brad, mentally and spiritually, because of the quality of communication inherent in it. His imagination and sense of future potentials are likely to be activated by the mental rapport he experiences, and his horizons - both mental and physical - are likely to broaden. His sense of humour is also constellated, and even if deeper emotional difficulties arise between the two of you, somehow this relationship encourages your partner to see the funnier side of even the darkest dilemmas. Even if he has inclined toward a more prosaic and earthbound view of life in the past, this relationship has the power to stir within him a powerful optimism about the future and an increased faith in his own unlived potentials and possibilities.

The Deeper Effects on Your Partner's Inner World

Your partner is also liable to be deeply stirred by the transformative effects of the relationship, and he may, like you, find such activation of unconscious issues sometimes highly uncomfortable. But this relationship offers a potential for profound healing and change in Brad as well as in you, provided he can meet the challenge with an awareness of the importance of your bond.

Inner Renewal

The power of this relationship, and its impact on your partner's deeper emotions, may sometimes alarm him, for it may provoke deep and permanent changes in him. He may sometimes feel as though he has been "taken over" by the energy of the relationship, as though some fate were at work in his life; and he may become rather obsessed with its importance to him. He may also have to encounter some quite primitive and destructive feelings within himself, for if he starts to feel controlled he is liable to react by trying to gain control over the relationship and you as well; and he could experience considerable rage if things do not go his way. Your partner could also use manipulative emotional methods to reestablish a sense of power within the relationship. And he may even react by trying to extricate himself from it because the relationship is likely to bring profound alterations to his life, external and internal. But if he does find himself experiencing these difficult reactions, he still has a choice in the matter, and could refrain from engaging in the sort of power-battles which would eventually alienate him from you; and he will find that he gains much greater insight into his own depths. This self-knowledge could transform his goals and attitudes toward life.

CHAPTER IV

DEEPER ISSUES ACTIVATED INSIDE

1. Basic Relationship Patterns within You

The transformative potential of your relationship with Brad may be greater than you realise. Every important human bond activates many levels of the personality, and some of these levels are unconscious and unrecognised. All of us bring our own inner issues and preconceptions into a relationship with another person. A relationship involves not only the chemistry between the two personalities, but also our unconscious images of what it is to be a man or woman. These inner images are partly shaped by our experiences of the first man and woman we meet in life - father and mother. But perhaps more importantly, they also reflect profound hidden truths about our own essential characters. The less aware we are of these deeper aspects of ourselves, the more likely we are to enact and project them blindly - and sometimes destructively - in our relationships. The inner images of man and woman which we all carry are really pictures of our own needs, expectations and potentials. They may be coloured or even distorted by childhood experiences, but fundamentally they belong to us as individuals. They have both positive and negative features, and we have the freedom to express both. Because people are by nature complex and multifaceted, we have more than one of these inner pictures of masculine and feminine within us. And each deep relationship we encounter in life could activate a quite different aspect of our inner world, presenting us with very different challenges and bringing very different responses out of us.
The relationship which you and Brad have created, because it is an independent living thing, will have an effect on the inner world of both you and your partner, triggering unconscious images of masculine and feminine in ways which you may not always be aware of. It is as though the two of you are living with a third person who exercises a subtle but powerful influence on how you feel and behave when you are together. This is the real alchemical work of the relationship, for both of you will be changed by the energies which have arisen between you. Some of its effects might feel very positive, and others might be extremely disturbing. Most human interaction involves a mixture of both. It is likely that sooner or later this relationship will stir up old childhood patterns and feelings, because the inner images of masculine and feminine which you and Brad bring into the relationship are coloured by the past. This gives you both a chance to discover untapped potentials in yourselves, as well as facing and healing hurts and wounds from early life. You and your partner could respond to the activation of your inner world in a creative and productive way, using what you learn about yourselves to make important changes in your attitudes and manner of self-expression. Or you could blame everyone and everything in sight for your discomfort, and make a general mess out of things if you so choose. You and your partner may not be able to unbake the cake you have made. But you have a great deal of choice in terms of how you deal with what this relationship activates within you.

The Double-Edged Gift of Self-Sacrifice

However you may consciously define what it means to be a woman, there is an image within you of woman as compassionate redeemer, and sometimes as victim. This image is strongly activated in you through your relationship with Brad. It is best portrayed by the Christian figure of Mary, the Mater Dolorosa who weeps for the sins and suffering of humankind. But the image of woman as redeemer and victim is really much older than the Christian one. Its roots lie in the ancient oceanic mother-goddesses such as the Babylonian Tiamat, who create the universe and are then dismembered by the hero-gods. These goddesses are terrifying as well as life-engendering, for they also swallow up their creations and start all over again. The most positive attribute of this inner figure is a deep sensitivity to human suffering, and a compassionate response to others' needs. These gifts of the heart form part of your essential character. Even if you are not really conscious of this dimension of your femininity, nevertheless others are probably aware of it because they are the beneficiaries. The dark side of this image, however, is reflected by the devouring propensities of the mother-goddesses of ancient myth. The close emotional identification which you feel toward other people also means that you may have difficulty in establishing your own boundaries and containing your own emotional needs. It is possible that you saw an example of the more difficult face of this archetypal image enacted by your mother during your childhood, and have recoiled against this aspect of your own character as a result. But if you are able to separate your early and perhaps negative experiences from the true meaning and potential of this inner figure, the great depth, insight and compassion inherent in your personality can be expressed without the victimisation and martyrdom that so often accompanies these gifts.

The conflict between openness to others and firm personal boundaries is a difficult one, and you will need at some point in your life to confront this issue honestly if you are to live your inner image of woman in a creative and personally fulfilling way. Probably your mother had few boundaries and great emotional needs, and her dependency on others may have put her into situations where she suffered without having the power to take charge of her own life. You might also have experienced her suffering as somewhat manipulative, and may also have perceived her sacrifices as bearing very high price tags in terms of what she required in return. There might indeed have been a good deal of unconscious manipulation in her behaviour and situation. You seem to carry a certain amount of guilt and a deep sense of obligation toward her which you unconsciously express in your relationship with Brad as well as with others who need you. However independent you may appear on the surface, it is often difficult for you to say "No" to others' demands because you fear the separateness and isolation this might bring you. But if you placate your partner or martyr yourself because of a fear of loneliness, you will also accumulate a large reservoir of resentment and bitterness which will in turn make you unconsciously manipulative in the same way your mother might have been. Your compassionate response and empathy with others' pain are very real and beautiful attributes of your character. But they may be mixed up with guilt about what you felt you owed to a suffering parent in childhood. If you believe you are only lovable and worthwhile when you are needed and useful, you could also inadvertently try to live for and through your partner, thus compensating for your own lack of a firm, coherent identity.

You may have sensed a deeply wounded quality in your mother. Because of your innate sensitivity, as a child you probably unconsciously assumed the role of her redeemer or healer - even if you were unaware of accepting such a responsibility, and even if on the conscious level you found her behaviour difficult and hurtful. You are deeply compassionate toward the wounds in others and probably feel most fulfilled and happy when you are offering help and support. This may be an important and positive aspect of the way in which you relate to Brad, as well as a potential path for your working life. But you may also identify too closely with this role, and may secretly experience yourself as someone irreparably wounded and intrinsically unlovable unless you can earn others' love by giving them the help they need. There may be some tangled issues around wounding and healing from your childhood which need to be explored with insight and compassion. Your natural attraction to the role of the healer is also accompanied on the dark side by a sense of yourself as the wounded one. If you are to avoid bringing these patterns into your relationship and martyring yourself through your belief that you must earn love through self-sacrifice, you may need to work toward experiencing yourself as worthwhile and lovable in your own right.

Emotional security and a feeling of belonging are deeply important to you - perhaps more than you allow others or even yourself to recognise. The sensitive response you have to others' needs reflects your need of them as well. It is likely that you experienced a darker version of this kind of emotional need through your early relationship with your mother. She might have tried to live through you, and you may have experienced a deep albeit unconscious identification with her unhappiness and unlived life. Issues of dependency are therefore likely to arise in your relationship with Brad, because you are at the same time both deeply dependent and frightened of dependency - your own as well as your partner's. Your strong need to belong may conflict with other, more independent qualities in your character, and you may have had a hard time freeing yourself from your bonds to your mother because of your emotional loyalty to her. There is a deeply maternal element in your nature which finds it difficult not to be needed all the time. Thus you may find it hard to let go of your partner and give him the necessary independent breathing space. If you saw too much of this kind of dependency in your mother, you may recoil against it in yourself. But then it will express itself in covert rather than straightforward ways. It may be important for you to explore issues around your true emotional requirements and nature, so that you can separate your perfectly healthy and legitimate need to belong from the darker forms of dependency and emotional blackmail which you may have experienced early in your life.

There are qualities of emotional intensity and depth which also belong to your inner image of woman. On the positive side this gives you an almost uncanny insight into the hidden aspects of others' feelings and characters. You possess great strength of feeling and also the ability to penetrate into and accept even the darkest dimensions of human nature. But you may also have experienced a more difficult side of this emotional depth and intensity in your childhood, for it is likely that your mother also possessed considerable passion and emotional power - even if she concealed it beneath a controlled exterior - and found it difficult to allow others much emotional freedom because of the intensity of her attachment. You may have encountered a good deal of possessiveness in childhood, expressed through atmosphere rather than through actual words or demands, and you may therefore not really recognise the dynamic. But you are quite capable of generating some pretty powerful atmospheres yourself if you feel hurt by your partner's neglect, whether you are conscious of it or not. You may have dissociated from this side of your own nature because you have instinctively recoiled from the example set in your childhood. But the compassion and sensitivity inherent in your inner image of woman is accompanied by a passion and intensity which mean you do not take emotional bonds lightly. Issues of jealousy and possessiveness are therefore likely to arise between you and your partner, whether you express these feelings yourself or draw them out of your partner through your own unconscious provocation.

A Reluctant Martyrdom

Despite your great compassion and willingness to put others first, there is also a willful and uncompromising quality in your nature which resents such self-sacrifice. This more forceful quality may cause you to accumulate quite a large backlog of resentment and suppressed anger if your will is thwarted or you must compromise your desires. In fact there seems to be quite a conflict in you between asserting your own will and accommodating the needs of your partner. You may need to explore the possibility that your anger - and any annoying physical symptoms such as headaches or digestive troubles, which so often express covert anger - are the result of too much placating and a loss of your personal boundaries in your relationship. It is likely that your mother suffered from a similar conflict, and you may have sensed great rage in her beneath an apparent self-sacrificing surface. Or perhaps her anger erupted at inappropriate times and in disturbing ways because she secretly felt trapped by her neediness and fought violently against it. Whatever the outer pattern, it is probable that you are faced with the same challenge she was. You need to find your own individual way of balancing your natural empathy and need of people with your strongly independent and self-willed nature. If you feel passive and victimised in your relationship, it may be because you do not assert yourself in an open way when you need to. And if you play the role of the martyr, your anger will inevitably rise to the surface in some unconscious, unpleasant and even unmanageable form.

At the core of your inner life the image of woman as compassionate healer stands as the foundation of your emotional world within this relationship. You can live this figure at the same time that you develop other aspects of your personality, for these qualities are not mutually exclusive with a full and independent creative life. But it is likely that you will need to explore your more negative unconscious assumptions about this archetypal facet of the feminine. It seems that some element of sacrifice or suffering which you perceived in your mother's life has driven you into believing that you cannot have a close and emotionally fulfilling relationship with your partner while at the same time maintaining healthy boundaries and your own psychological and material self-sufficiency. The dark side of your inner image of woman is the passive victim and martyr, where sacrifice may also be a kind of manipulative tool to generate guilt and a sense of obligation in others. It is likely that you saw quite a lot of this darker side acted out in childhood. If this was so, try not to let it drive you away from your own emotional needs. For in your efforts not to be a victim you may inadvertently dissociate from the voice of your own heart and wind up victimised anyway - not by your partner, but by your own internal conflict. The mythic figures who personify this subtle but powerful face of the feminine are hardly victims. They are usually omnipotent goddesses who create the manifest universe. When you have discovered the great strength that lies in your vulnerability and need of others, you will have found the key to the most creative expression of this inner woman.

2. Basic Relationship Patterns within Your Partner

Brad also has within him images and patterns of response which are activated by the relationship. Thus your partner is also receptive to the transformative potential of the bond; and even if this sometimes involves conflict and uncomfortable self-confrontation, he could experience deep and positive changes as a result.

The Eternal Youth Within

Whatever your partner may consciously define as "masculine", there is an image within him of man as eternal youth and free spirit, the special and favoured child of the gods. His relationship with you brings this image alive in a very powerful way. In mythology, it is best portrayed by the trickster-god Hermes, who presided over the traveller and the wanderer, and served as the messenger between heaven and earth. Although this volatile and youthful image may not accord with more "macho" or conventionally patriarchal images of masculinity, it is an ancient and archetypal portrayal of one of the faces of manhood; and it is part of the fabric of your partner's inner world - whether he is aware of it or not. The most creative face of this inner figure is his spirit of adventure, his clever, inspired and endlessly fertile mind, and his ability to find life perennially interesting and full of possibilities regardless of age or circumstances.

There is also great elusiveness and mischief in your partner's youthful inner image of manhood, and he probably carries a strong sense, albeit unconscious, that he ought to be exempt from the moral limits and material burdens of more ordinary folk. Because he feels he is special, he may resent not only the obligations and restrictions which any committed relationship incurs, but even basic human rites of passage, such as ageing, or taking responsibility for the consequences of his choices in life. Even if he is unaware of such feelings, he has a tendency to keep trying to escape from the dreariness of ordinary life through various means - the grand drama of secret love-affairs, the excitement of travel, the glamour of fame, the challenge of dangerous sports, or simply a fantasy-world of his own creation in which the present (including this relationship) is really provisional and "real life" always lies somewhere in the future. The deeper issue underlying such escapist tendencies is in fact a profound resentment at having to be mortal, for the mythic Eternal Youth is the child of the gods. In fact Brad is special - although this does not mean better than other people - because he possesses a rich and fertile imagination, a generous heart and an irrepressible spirit of fun and adventure. But a contributing factor to his inability to find the best expression for this inner image may also be that in childhood he saw his father trapped and resentful at his own life passing by.

The archetypal image of Hermes, eternal youth and lord of travellers and wanderers, lies deep in the fabric of your partner's inner life, and strongly colours the kind of man he is - both in his relationship with you and in his dealings with the outer world. This is an enormously creative spirit, which can infuse his life with vision, enthusiasm and unquenchable hope - despite the fact that he may not be altogether suited to the more restrictive aspects of traditional family life. Although he needs a certain amount of responsibility and structure to give this inner spirit shape and grounding, he also needs to listen to it when it demands air to breathe. For if he can provide channels - in the relationship, in his work and in his leisure activities - which give that inner spirit plenty of scope to dream and fly, Brad will find that it does not topple the stable structures he has built. If he denies his own self, this trickster- spirit will either bring the edifice down through your partner's own unconscious actions, or make its frustration known through depression and psychosomatic symptoms. If your partner does not balance this inner spirit with a little worldly realism and discipline, it will keep him living a provisional life with no substance and no real productivity, forever chasing the "one day" which never comes. But if he can contain the spirit of Hermes without crushing it, he can have it all.

CHAPTER V

CONCLUSION

It has been suggested by various psychological investigators as well as dramatists, poets and novelists over the ages, that without relationship we would never become conscious of ourselves. It takes another person to reflect back to us, as in a mirror, who we really are, whether this is on the most superficial level of public image or the most profound level of essential identity. Plato once wrote that we see in the face of the beloved a glimpse of the god who presides over our own soul; and it might also be added that we see a glimpse of our personal devils there as well. No astrological chart, whether interpreted through the skills of an individual astrologer or the more limited capacities of a computer, can tell us whether we should or should not be involved with a particular person; nor can it tell us whether the relationship is "good" or "bad", or whether it will endure. Ultimately, human choice, human creativity and human compulsion always upset the most careful of psychological and astrological predictions. But insight into why we are drawn to another person, what we create with that person, and how we are changed by it can give us tools for greater choice and creativity, and fewer compulsions. If a relationship has depth and the power to transform, it will inevitably, at some point, cause us pain - especially the pain of leaving an old and outworn self behind. If we are able to recognise that the only time we truly get to enjoy two hearts beating as one is in the womb, then we can approach our relationships with realism as well as idealism. The medieval alchemists knew that the gold they sought was human gold, not metal; and if we can rediscover some of that vision, then we are better equipped to perform the great and mysterious alchemical work of loving another individual.

APPENDIX

The Perspective of the Relationship Horoscope

In developing the Relationship Horoscope, Liz Greene began with her professional experience of clients wishing to gain astrological insight into their personal relationships. These clients most often have been in a relationship for a period of time, perhaps one or two years if not more, and the romantic and blissful beginnings have moved into a deeper and more realistic interchange. The darker aspects of both personalities have by this time been revealed, and problems and conflicts have come to the surface - usually resulting in a desire to understand more about the dynamics at work.
Both partners may not express the same interest in an astrological analysis of their relationship. One may even be quite skeptical of astrology. But very clearly, one partner is interested - and in this case it is you. You might come alone for an astrological consultation to discuss your relationship with Brad. The Relationship Horoscope is written with this scenario in mind: It addresses you as the one who has requested the analysis, and it refers to Brad as a third party, as "your partner". Thus the Relationship Horoscope does not speak to both partners, but to only one. The contents, however, refer to both partners in a symmetrical fashion.

If you want to share your Relationship Horoscope with Brad, you might suggest that he bears this in mind while reading, rethinking the text accordingly. However, if this seems inappropriate for you and your partner, you are free to order a second copy with the text reversed so that it addresses Brad, referring to you in turn as "your partner".
To order a reverse Relationship Horoscope with the text addressed to Brad, please write an e-mail to order@astro.com and note the order code TPRE as well as the complete number of your present Relationship Horoscope. You will find this number at the bottom of the title window and at the bottom left of each page.
This second report is available at a dramatically reduced price (this may depend on the country from which you order).

Astrological Technique

To create the Relationship Horoscope, three astrological charts are examined - the natal chart of both partners and the composite chart calculated according to the midpoint method. For the compilation of the interpretation text, the following main astrological factors are taken into account: cross-aspects between the two natal charts, dominant themes in the composite chart, aspects between the composite chart and the two natal charts, and certain themes in the two natal charts which are triggered by either the partner's chart or the composite chart.