"...Sensitivity to the needs of others

Other people are the most important thing in the world to you, and you tend to live your life for and through them. Your gifts are those of the heart. You have great empathy for people's unhappiness, and may often find yourself playing the role of good father to those friends and loved ones who need an understanding and nonjudgmental shoulder to cry on. You adore feeling needed, and dislike hurting others; and you are capable of immense loyalty and devotion to those who are close to you. Your sensitivity to the immediate unspoken needs of others gives you the rare ability of being able to put people at ease. You do not miss much about people, even if they do not tell you much about themselves; and you also have a great appreciation of creative forms such as music which embody the spectrum of human feelings and aspirations. You tend to be kind to a fault, and may sometimes find it hard to respect your own boundaries if someone else is in need. But you usually count such responsibilities as blessings, because your chief fulfilment springs from the sense that you have offered something to others and that you are part of a larger human family in which you have a valued place..."

"...Dependency on relationships stifles individuality

Sometimes you place too much emphasis on closeness and empathy, to the point where you fear being alone and cannot always step back far enough to see that another person is really separate and not a part of your own self. You may not give enough value to your own ideas and interests, preferring to let a partner or friend or teacher provide the structure and meaning in your life. Because you perpetually put the other person's feelings first - whether they have asked you to or not - you may develop a deep although unconscious resentment whenever your loved ones withdraw their energy and interest from you. Because you live for and through others, you may inadvertently make them feel stifled, and then become hurt and secretly envious when they move away to pursue their own activities without including you. You need to learn more detachment and self-sufficiency, and a greater willingness to develop as an independent personality rather than seeing yourself solely as somebody else's partner or parent. Otherwise, important facets of your personality will remain undeveloped and unexpressed - and then you will feel resentfully unfulfilled. Your personal feelings, rich and empathetic though they are, are not the boundaries of the universe, and others may need more space, freedom and directness than you are sometimes willing to offer. Because you value harmony so much, you may forget that conflict and distance are sometimes necessary for any person or relationship to grow..."

"..A taste for the dramatic enhances emotional sensitivity

The gifts of imagination and a feeling for future possibilities combine with your natural sensitivity and empathy toward others to produce unusual insight into the inner life of other people. Your sense of romance, fantasy and the magical world of the imagination is extremely high, and you tend to infuse as much of it as you can into your ordinary life. You should probably work in an artistic field where these abilities have their fullest expression, or where you are able to at least enjoy them vicariously through assisting in the creative development of others. You might make a talented designer or novelist, or could find a good home in the theatre or in films or music, where your need to work with and for others would fruitfully combine with your flights of fantasy and your appreciation of the symbolic realm. You dislike humdrum jobs which involve too much sameness and routine, and also find it difficult to be pinned down in personal relationships. There is something elusive and other-worldly about you, and although you respond warmly and sensitively to others and will happily nurture their potentials, you may experience some difficulty in truly committing yourself, because you fear being trapped in a monotony which would stifle the romantic spirit that drives you. You have a great distaste for having to explain yourself to others, preferring to communicate in nonverbal ways and remaining evasive and hard to fathom. In fact, you tend to project your fantasies onto your actual work and personal life to the extent that you see others, and yourself, as characters out of a story; and you can bring a touch of magic and mystery to any social or work sphere in which you function. You can work effectively with children and with those who need help in developing their talents. Your expectations in relationship are high, because it is the potential and the growth which you seek, rather than conventionally secure role-playing. You carry a touch of the theatre with you even though you may never seek to pursue this as a vocation..."

"...The dilemma of being a separate person

You are so attuned to the emotional requirements of others that sometimes it seems that there is not really a You at all - for you become whomever you happen to be involved with at any moment. You have no real sense of separateness and aloofness from the people you care for, and no desire to experience such a state either. Your response to the sadness and pathos of life is sometimes too great, and you may forget too easily the pleasure and fun of independent existence; but for you this kind of independence is no fun at all, because it feels cold and forlorn. You recoil from selfishness, or what you consider to be selfishness - which is, in your terms, an individual acting according to his or her own needs rather than in the interests of the relationship or the group; and because you strive all the time to be selfless (for this is your definition of the manifestation of love), you are liable to take more than your share of hurt and rejection. This is not because you have a bad fate, or are unlovable, but because you sometimes try to be a little too saintly and self-effacing; and you have a way of inadvertently making other people feel guilty and trapped because you have made them responsible for your happiness by refusing to be responsible for it yourself. And a guilty person rapidly becomes resentful, and then hurtful, toward the source of his or her guilt..."

"...The problems of possessiveness and resentment

You become deeply and intensely attached to people, and it takes you a very long time to recover from hurts, rejections and losses. You also seem to have come from a family background where a similar spirit of intense and passionate feeling was frustrated and transformed into unexpressed hurt, anger and resentment that clouded the atmosphere of your childhood; and you equate love with inevitable disappointment and sacrifice, and need with frustration, humiliation and bitterness. There is nothing in any way wrong with the intense quality of your feelings; in fact it is a rare gift, for you love with your whole soul, and often have profound insights into other people's behaviour which can be very helpful and healing for them. But you must also recognise that different people have different ways of offering affection and concern, and the fact that someone is more cerebral and self-contained in his or her manner does not mean that there is no love. Also, unfortunate circumstances can unfairly destroy love and security; and painful though this is, you need to be careful not to let one loss poison your entire vision of life..."

"...The secret craving to first and best

You give the impression of being the most adaptable of people, always ready to consider the other person's feelings and to do what makes him or her happy. But there is something in you which is ill-suited to this kind of compromise - a fierce spirit of dynamic energy which longs to go its own way and do exactly as it pleases. You are much more self- willed and self-preoccupied than you might like to admit, for admission would of course mean that the dreaded word "selfish" which you sometimes use a little too freely about others might also apply to you. But the selfishness of your high-spirited and energetic shadow is a healthy selfishness, and if you are able to integrate some of its fiery, impetuous and enthusiastic qualities into your life, you may find that you have much more energy, humour and optimism to bring to your experiences - as well as the ability to say no sometimes if you do not want to do something, and the courage to do it alone if no one wants to do it with you. The innate rash self-confidence of this secret side of you may seem offensive to your gentler values, for it is the "me first" spirit that puts responsibility for others back in their own hands..."

"...A cool and calculating mind can be strengthening rather than selfish

You appear to draw your direction in life from the needs and requirements of others, and do not seem in the least calculating or hard. This is quite true - at least it is true of your conscious personality, which rarely has an ulterior motive in mind other than someone else's good, and is genuinely generous and compassionate. But there is a tough, cynical streak which belongs to your shadow, and which is, to put it baldly, out for what it can get - and its chief goal is security and a position in the eyes of society. This shadow cares a lot about what others think of you, and contains great pride and intense vanity. If you are able to integrate this apparently tough and callous element in yourself, it can offer you many positive qualities - among them self-reliance, healthy ambition, and a self-respect which springs from the knowledge that you are in charge of your own life. Self-reliance and self-respect are extremely important, for they are the antidote to self-pity and chronic complaining - things which all too often arise in you if your efforts at binding others to you have failed in any way. The hard and cynical qualities of your shadow-side also contain the realism not to expect too much of people; and this open-eyed acceptance of the flawed nature of human love can protect you from a good deal of the hurt and disappointment that you tend to incur through expecting that someone else's unstinting devotion will redeem everything. But if you repress this stronger and more self-centred side of yourself, then it will express unconsciously as cold-blooded manipulation, reflecting your secret need to use others for your own security and status, and darkly contradicting the apparently selfless love which you usually express. Also, if you do not acknowledge this less idealistic dimension of your personality, it can form a pocket of unrecognised bitterness in you which undermines your faith in love and gives you a chronic aura of grievance and mistrust which will drive others away as surely as if you were deliberately offensive to them..."

"...A love of the unseen world

Although you appear to live on the earth like other people, your mind dwells in loftier, more ethereal realms. You are a sensitive and idealistic person who is not wholly comfortable within the limits and boundaries of material life; for, like Plato, you crave the Good, the True and the Beautiful - and if you are unable to find glimpses of your dream amidst the mundane circumstances in which you find yourself, through love or creative endeavours or study, you are capable of becoming depressed or even ill. There must be Something More, you tell yourself, because you are quite unable to live with and accept the harsher aspects of reality. It is as though you are missing some layer of skin that other people seem to have; and consequently, life bruises you easily. Because you believe so wholeheartedly in a transcendent reality, you usually manage to get intimations of it, however brief, that renew your faith sufficiently for you to cope.

This elusive, ethereal and other-worldly quality is the source of many of your apparently unpredictable and unstable experiences. It is appropriate for you to seek a lifestyle and a vocation which can enhance and validate, rather than crush, your idealism and faith. All the products of the imagination are meaningful to you, more so than the domain of physical objects which matter so much to others. Spiritual values and ideals are a necessity to you, but you will need the courage to challenge more conventional religious formulae and to trust your inner experiences. It is not a moral code you seek, or a dogmatic interpretation of the divine; but rather, a direct experience of a transpersonal reality which can offer you hope, comfort, and the validation of your dream of beauty, goodness and truth in life. Otherwise life will hurt you, for without such values to provide your base you are too thin-skinned and lack the toughness to digest some of life's more brutal offerings. Then, disillusioned and lost, you run the risk of turning other people - particularly partners - into semi-divine protectors and carriers of that spiritual reassurance you crave; and others will, when placed in such an impossible situation, inevitably let you down - for what you seek is inside you. Life will eventually challenge you on the issue of your adaptation to the material world, for higher insight is not worth very much if it cannot be lived in the context of the actual world..."

"...A journey into the unseen world

You will never find real fulfillment by clinging to material reality and ignoring the unseen and invisible dimensions of life. You possess an innate connection with the deeper and larger ocean of the collective unconscious and all that it contains - the domain of fantasy, myth, mystical feeling and the inheritance of the past. In other words, your life can only take on meaning if you give expression to your poetic soul, which also means giving value to the creative and spiritual worlds. Many things in the past - particularly the family past - have affected you and held you in a state of confusion or apathy, although you may not be fully conscious of what goes on inside you. At some point you may need to explore this area of what might be called "family karma" - not merely to seek pathologies and negative experiences, but to understand how you are the recipient and the vessel of talents and urges which may go back for many generations but which others in your family have not been able to express. It is the inner world which holds the key to your sense of meaning and purpose in life, and it is not just your personal inner world - it is the whole rich backdrop of human mystical longing and creative aspiration, for which, in your own small but unique way, you are a medium..."

"...The dilemma of the outsider

There is one area of your life where any effort to face your fears and overcome them will always result in increased strength and self-respect - even if you are not successful every time. However sociable and socially concerned you may appear - or believe yourself to be - nevertheless you carry inside you a strong feeling of being an outsider - a person who does not belong to the group and who can expect only rejection from it. Although you may care deeply about particular individuals in your life, it is the larger human family which seems somehow alien and unwelcoming - as though you were some kind of changeling who secretly belongs to a different species and who will be quickly found out if you try too hard to get accepted. And because you are proud, you would rather withdraw and reject them first, before they have a chance to reject you. Yet you deeply need the feeling of belonging, of being one of many, and of sharing universal feelings, fears and aspirations. You would greatly benefit from taking up the challenge of the collective, and exposing yourself to your fears by making the effort to relate to people in their language. It is the only way you will discover that humanity is made up of individuals just like you, each of whom feels insecure about something at some time. There is no such thing as a norm, which you would find out if you took the risk of expressing your need of some kind of like-minded group around you. A handful of close friends is not the same thing. It is from the collective, which you both need and fear, that your real sense of strength and support will come.

Thus one of your great fears - of appearing stupid, inarticulate and weak in the eyes of others - can become the indestructible base of character which allows you to safely launch your voyage into the unknown waters of the unconscious. For in learning to be honest in communicating your thoughts, feelings and fears with others, you will discover the great support which a sense of fellowship can bring; and you will have a firm anchor in outer life which can balance the confusion and chaos of the inner world which ultimately it is your task to explore...."

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